703 - Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell

Potatoes are what WE eat!

Somewhere, a generic fantasy game is missing its PC.

Creature features and sci-fi movies from the 50s and 60s feel like MST3K’s bread and butter. So, a low budget sword and sorcery movie really stands out. And while Cave Dwellers has the best reputation of the fantasy movies covered on the show, I think Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell may be the best wanna-be Conan to be riffed.

                                 

Actually the third in a series produced by Roger Corman, though largely unconnected to the others, this entry begins with warrior Deathstalker putting on a show in a quant medieval fair alongside wizard friend Nicias, who is busy predicting the weather and goat health for local dirt farmers. But, Nicias approached by Carissa, a woman with a magic stone that is definitely not a shiny glass doorknob. Hot on her heels are a cadre of villainous knights, their leader wearing a spiffy bat themed helmet, out for the gem. After seeking Deathstalker’s protection, he fails and she’s promptly slain. But, Deathstalker finds her twin sister, Elizena, a princess, who is engaged to the villainous Troxartas, (Thom Christopher aka Hawk from Buck Rogers) and who has the other stone. With these stones, Troxceratops can…be more powerful? More evil? It’s pretty vague, as magic usually is in movies like these. Either way, Truckasaurus also has the titular Warriors from Hell, slain fighters whose souls he keeps in a wine jar next to the Sangria in the fridge and who function more as high level, and very resentful, lackeys than as all powerful warriors. This results in all manner of low rent fighting, cheap special effects, a lot of low budget charm, and approximately one million Renaissance Fair jokes.

Batman jokes vs. Monty Python jokes: which will win?

There’s so much that’s right about this movie, or fails in the right way,that make it such a perfect candidate for riffing. Jon Allen Nelson swings so hard for that Han Solo swagger and misses, but has just enough charm to be a Diet Nathan Fillion-enjoyable hero; bad at seducing, bad at fighting, fun to watch anyway. The sets aren’t very convincing, but they have the sort of “let’s put ona show” charm MST itself often has. The women are pretty, there’s some goofy fights, and the music, synth dredge that the late 80s and early 90s drowned in, sounds like Casio farts and manages to go from bad to entertainingly bad. And then there’s Thom Christopher as the bad guy Troxartas, hamming it up with weird delivery, outfits with either too short sleeves or *gasp*  no pants, and coming across like an evil, balding Hank Azaria. The movie feels like a bad, failing play put on by your friends, but they’re you’re friends, and  you’re all drunk, so you’re having the time of your lives. In the episode guide entry written for Satellite News, Kevin Murphy pretty damn perfectly sums it up when he says, “It’s the perfect MST film , one that fails on every conceivable level, fails so miserably that it transcends failure and becomes a thing of sheer delight”.

Troxartas raising the dead and not wearing a full outfit.

Murphy also says it’s obvious he and many MST cast and crew loathed ren fairs, so watching this is like going to a ren fair with Mike and the Bots: in other words, a great time with hilarious friends. They make fun of everything, from the sets to the weather of the Mexican locals to even the font used in the opening credits (“Extra Stuff Germanic” Mike/Tom calls it). They laugh at the sets, are repulsed by Deathstalker’s would-be ladykilling, and enthralled in how ludicrous the entire endeavor is. It’s a smorgasbord of feelings, all of them joyful. And their joy at riffing the movie permeates Every. Single. Joke. They’re on fire in this one, throwing out tons of jokes, most of which, but not all, are hilarious. I counted about 3 running gags involving their disgust with Deathstalker’s personality, the Bat Helmets worn by Troxartas’ chief enforcer, and Trox’s home life style bickering with his wife. And I also counted at least three monty python references. If it had a musical number, an annoyingly precocious kid, an annoying wacky sidekick, some ick factor and some rubber monsters, they might as well have stopped the show here. Don’t think that movie exists, though.

Renaissance Fairs: gussied up bank account robbers.

The only real failings is not all the jokes are hilarious, just 80%, and the middle host segment, when Mike wants more ren fair activities and Tom and Crow just half-assedly throw some together, is a weak retreat of the first. Thankfully, Crow reading a trashy romance novel to the beleaguered and sick Pearl in the next segment makes up for it. Oh, and did I mention Pearl is sick, and is constantly, constantly yelling out “Clayton? Clayton! Clayton!” every scene she’s in, driving her poor mad scientist son even madder? I love angry despot Pearl, but pestering mother Pearl is a joy all its own.

Clayton? Clayton! Claydin! CLAYYUN!

This episode became a new favorite of mine at light speed. It’s only slightly under some of my oldest and most beloved episodes, needing just a tad more of that magic to make it a classic. But if you want to watch Mike and the Bots tear into something different, hate renaissance fairs, or have never even seen an episode before, this is a damn good place to start! Huzzah! (Had to get one in, sorry.)

Episode in a Riff: Hell, let’s go with three!

The directors vision; confusion wracked with ambiguity. – Tom

This movie’s like playing Doom, but there’s no monsters or opponents. -Crow
This is one of the most ambitiously bad movies we’ve ever done. –Mike

Random Asides:

-I’d first seen clips of this episode back in college waaaay back in the days when fans were just starting to put the show on YouTube. I didn’t watch, preferring to wait for a DVD release. But damn, was watching it for the first time, and waiting for the DVD, worth it

-S7 has a theme song I don’t here often, due to Season 7 being significantly shorter than the others. It's fun to see something different, though.

-SOL starting to get darker visually too, leading into SciFi years

-I Love Pearl, and seeing her and DrF bouncing off each other is good.

-Solid acting from them in the first two segments. Crow’s mouth movements are smaller and more subtle with his hairpiece, and quiver as the teen at the drive thru, and servo has nice sharp breath intakes

-Somewhere, sometime, members of MST3K all went to a renaissance fair. I can’t imagine a more fun group to go with. That must’ve been amazing

-Who’s the cutest: -cute princess, evil queen, or bow and arrow girl?

-Nancy Kerrigan IS pretty, Tom

-Is that the Aztec from Pumaman as one of the guards around 25m in?

-Troxartas: not sorry for not wearing pantr\s

- Thom Christopher also played Hawk on Buck Rogers, who is also the basis for Bird Person on Rick and Morty.  

-Oh my GOD THOM CHRISTOPHER IS IN WIZARDS OF THE LOST KINGDOM!

-Seeing Thom Christopher talking about making this goofy movie and the hand made parrying knife is heartwarming. His love of his fellow actors,Terri Treas and John Allen Nelson, is also heartwarming 

Additional Links
Satellite News Review
Annotations

1102 - Cry Wilderness

Your father is in great danger, Paul! – Bigfoot

This BSA brought to you by Coca-Cola

What do you get when you mix a coming of age story, Bigfoot, nature documentary stock footage, and insane fits of laughter? You get Cry Wilderness, as damn near perfect a movie for MST3K as you can find. But, what happens when you throw in an SOL crew still finding their footing as pro movie riffers? Ah, there’s the rub for this one.

Cry Wilderness is the touching tale of a boy named Paul and his best friend, Bigfoot. You see, Paul met Bigfoot one summer and befriended him, introducing him to the wonders of Coca-Cola and Rock and Roll music. But one night at his boarding school, Paul sees a vision of Bigfoot warning him that Paul’s father, Will, a game warden, is in great danger. So, Paul ditches his unbelieving teacher and classmates and hitchhikes all the way up to the California wilderness to be with his father. But they’re not alone. Will and his partner Jim are tracking a dangerous wild animal causing havoc in the forest. Even more dangerous is big game hunter Morgan, hired by the sheriff to help catch or kill the animal, and who takes a keen interest in Paul’s stories of Bigfoot. Can Paul, Bigfoot, animal stock footage, beautiful mountain vistas, and the power of laughter save Paul’s father? And can Paul, his father, animal nurse Helen, and a maybe dead/maybe alive Native American save Bigfoot from Morgan? And can Paul’s Father, Jim, Helen, and an untold amount of warnings keep Paul from constantly, stupidly, running into danger in near mountain lions and in front of loaded guns? And can anyone go five minutes without breaking into a fit of hysterical laughter like the Joker is a PA on the set?

Pictured: a manic moment in the woods.

  

Better yet, is there a movie more batshit crazy, more perfectly suited, to MST3K? When the season first premiered, comparisons were made to Pod People, which is apt, though even this is more bonkers than that. I want to know which staff member found this movie and how. The Incredibly Strange Creatures and Russo-Finnish fantasy films may be the few that top this in pure weirdness. But this movie just feels…off. The basic set up, the fact that Paul’s friendship with Bigfoot is something that happens offscreen before the movie begins, making it seem like a sequel to a nonexistent movie. Then there’s the random use of animal stock footage, half the adults are dubbed for some reason, and even the editing and transitions from scene to scene all combine to make this feel like a kid’s fever dream. Add in a precociously annoying kid character, a mediocre monster costume, lots of padding, awkward line delivery, unnecessary dubbing, stock footage, make this one of those movies that seems to have fallen through the cracks of cinema and landed on the MST3K desk by divine providence. It’s bad, but not painful, and it’s actually kind of fascinating in the way a nonsensical dream is. 

The movie is as beautiful as it is nonsensical.

But it’s also the second episode of a show that’s just been revived with a new cast and crew at the helm. So, Jonah and the new Bots don’t quite have the riffing skills needed to master it. Some of the delivery is too fast and too forced, on its way to being confident and casual as in Beastof Hollow Mountain, but smoother than in Reptilicus. They still feel too much like they’re reciting lines at a movie rather than actively watching and joking on it, at least until the last ¼th. There, they get fed up with Paul’s running into danger BS, how odd and awkward the movie is, and start taking it out on the film. If the rest of the episode had the exhaustion and annoyance they show there, combined with better riffing skills, this one would be a classic. Not saying it’s not funny, it definitely is, but it still needs some work.

 

The host segments also show the cast and crew honing their skills. The second one, as Crow and Tom play scampering and destructive raccoons, is the show at it’s weird and, dare I use the word, zany best. The others, however, are just fine. And while it’s nice to see Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy make a cameo, the joke of them not meaning to run into Kinga and Max isn’t great and it’s not as hilarious or heartwarming as it should be. Still, it’s nice seeing them again. Though I gotta agree that Kevin Murphy’s ape mask hasn’t aged well. Still, great seeing the Castle Forrester gang again. 

Not that the Bots need an excuse to dress up and smash stuff, but it's always welcome.

Pearl. Bobo, and Brain Guy making the face when you see someone you know, but don't want to talk to them.

This movie is a classic for the show, but unfortunately I don’t think the episode itself is. Jonah and the new Bots still have some growing to do before they’re fully in charge of their riffing skills. That said, the movie itself and the on average pretty good riffing make this one a must see, just not a classic.

Episode in a Riff: Tie

“This movie is like if Bob Ross painted an action scene.” –Servo

and

“This movie’s about Bigfoot the way Waiting for Guffman is about Guffman…or Godot.” -Jonah

Random Asides:

-“Your experiment today takes the majesty of the natural world and…just kinda jumps on it.” Appropriate description, Kinga. 

-Dropping things on the Bots. Never not funny

-I have NO IDEA what these Carvel Ice Cream Cake things are. At first I thought they were a regional thing outside of Texas, but turns out they're based in Stephenville! Either way, the 10 and 11 O’clock ones, the Post-Apocalyptic Raider with Mohawk and the Dinosaur.

-WTF is on Paul’s necklace? “It’s beautiful Paul!” Um, is it? It looks like a bad kids art project.

-WhyTF is his teacher entertaining the notion of Bigfoot, then disbelieving it, and in general acting like a creepo?

-WTF is the real guy in the Bigfoot costume doing on the podium in the museum instead of just putting the costume on a rack?

-WTF does a history museum have even a podium about Bigfoot?

-WTF doesn’t the movie begin with Paul meeting Bigfoot and befriending him, instead of having it happen offscreen before the movie even begins?

-Kid acting! Yay.

-I referred to Paul’s teacher as “Diet Michael Lerner”.

-The animal stock footage is from wildly different sources. Old film stock, TV recordings, and more.

-10 minute point, as Paul’s teacher sits alone in library: Tom: “The last Border’s Books customer.” Considering I’m a member of a writers group that first met at a local Borders, that hits damn close to home.

-The laughing skit is just great! I love Jonah’s suddenly angry scream of,  “Paul get in here!”

-Writer Phillip Yordan won an Oscar for Detective Story and, along with this movie’s director, Jay Schlossberg-Cohen, made the even more incomprehensible Night Train to Terror. That’s a weird menagerie of goddamn bonkers movies.

I like max’s reaction at the 53 minute break. “So the movie’s been lying to us for what, 45 minutes? Great!”

-What is the point at all of the angry mayor’s car garage scene? To show a woman in a bikini and a weird car museum?

-At 49 minutes, the, “He’s a Louis CK/Chris Elliot mash up” is an example of a joke that could be done better. 

-Ah, the classic Forrester method of parenting: cruelty and abandonment!

-Why does idiot hunter Morgan want to kill Bigfoot if he also captures stuff alive? Also he has no proof Bigfoot is real besides easily faked tracks and the word of Paul. And why is he explaining his plan to Paul’s father? What a moron.

-Crow’s breakdown near the end is good stuff. Love the “robot hyperventilating into a bag” gag.

-Yes! Another country ballad about Bigfoot. Max’s lyrics are great. “Get a bowl haircut and swallow your pirde at private school! Cower under the covers…”