101 - The Crawling Eye

His head...it was torn off!

First peep at the show.

Greatness has to start somewhere, but that doesn’t mean it starts great. It can be awkward, rough around the edges, a mere shadow of what it will become. But, sometimes you can see the glint of the brightness that will shine, see just how grand things will become. It also helps if it’s a show about making fun of bad movies, and the first episode features giant eyes: then you get to make all sorts of eyesight-related metaphors!

Mystery Science Theater 3000 premiered on the Comedy Channel (later Comedy Central) on November 18, 1989, after a run on local Minneapolis TV station KTMA from November 1988 to May 1989.  According to the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, for the first run of shows on KTMA, each episode was filmed in a day, with only the host segments being written; the riffs for the movies happened as Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, and J. Elvis Weinstein sat down to watch it for the first time. Unsurprising, considering the tight schedule and beyond cheap budget. It worked well enough, though, to get the attention of HBO, who bought the show for their budding comedy-focused network. From then on, movies would be watched and joked at multiple times, around 7 or 8, with jokes compiled by the head writer (one Michael J. Nelson),and then Joel, Trace, and J. Elvis would suit up, sit in front of a green screen, and riff out the script to the movie.

In other words, in this first professionally produced, cable-TV aired episode, the cement is still hardening in the MST foundation. They were still working out their riffs, fine tuning the jokes, and all the other growing pains a show goes through. So, the episode is them still climbing the learning curve.

The Crawling Eye, originally called “The Trollenberg Terror”, is a surprisingly classy affair for the SOL. An independently made British sci-fi movie, it follows UN investigator Alan as he...well, investigates the strange goings on around Mount Trollenberg in Switzerland: climbers are dying in mysterious accidents; his scientist friend Professor Crevett at the observatory shows him a cloud that never moves on the mountain’s side; and sisters Ann and Sarah, one of whom is psychic, are mysteriously drawn to the area as well. Who, or what, is behind this rash of deaths and has such a pull on the psychic Anne? Hint: the movie’s American title gives it away. 

The Lobe is up there with that Clown Ray.

  

Goofy giant-eye effects aside, this is a pretty well made, mysterious, and fun little movie. I mentioned classy, as it has that British feel of taking things a little more seriously, putting in a little more effort than a comparable American movie would’ve had. That type of schlocky movie is more suited to MST3K, but The Crawling Eye still offers a lot for prime movie riffing. It’s well paced, thoughtful in its ponderings on alien life, there are extraneous elements added in such as the psychic sisters and a nosy reporter which aren’t necessary to the plot but provide extra fun, and the moody shots of the scenic mountain and rustic inn give it a warm, relaxed feel. Watching the movie with Joel and the bots has the feel of being on vacation to a quiet, remote retreat and reading some cozy mysteries with hilarious friends.   

That said, those friends also make a living making jokes, and they’re still refining their bit. There’s often a lot of silence from Joel and the Bots between jokes, and often only a handful of jokes a minute. And, honestly, there performance lacking here. There’s a feeling of insecurity, as Crow feels more lackadaisical, Tom is more quiet and subdued, and even by his standards, Joel is kinda quiet. Servo does a  Rain Man “definitely an excellent driver” bit at one point that’s far from quick or funny, a gag they’ll do many times with more life over the years. Then there are just bad puns, like when the movie cuts to a cable car, and Crow says, “I didn’t know they had cable.” And then there’s the unfunny jokes that get run into the ground, like when a character’s body is possessed by the aliens, and we get a series of bad “dead on his feet” jokes. There are also points you can tell that a more experienced cast and crew would handle better, like the attack by a deranged man on top of the mountain about 50 minutes in. 

There's some guys in the cast, too, but they're not as cute.

 But when they pick up, you see a flicker of what will one day be the glowing, glorious brightness of the future. And the movie gives them opportunities to shine. “We’ve got a death scene to make,” Tom exclaims as men prepare to climb the mountain in search of missing people. When one of the characters fumbles with a drink, Crow says, “he can’t handle his liquor.” And when one character says, as a way of explaining away the deaths, “Some people can climb it  [the mountain], some can’t,” Joel responds, “Some people can speak dialogue, and some can’t.” During the sisters’ psychic act, Joel has a lot of fun pretending to cough as a signal during the act. There’s even chances for obscure and literary references, from Crow quoting Nostradamus during Anne’s act, and Tom quotes Poe during one of her visions. 

Their best jokes, though, come from the Crawling Eyes themselves. When the characters discuss how to fight the alien eyes, “Get me giant six bags of onions and a giant eye chart,” Joel says. They get in a ton of bad puns, like Corw saying, “They’re getting pretty eye-rate”, which borders on terrible like a lot of their puns, but I just love. And during an attack scene, Tom’s exclamation of, “Eye eye eye!” got a laugh. They’ve got a way to go on their way to being great, but it’s still fun.

The “early installment weirdness” continues in other ways. Joel and the bots don’t start with a fun lil opening segment, it just cuts straight form the intro to the mads. The SOL just looks bare bones in Season 1, and man, its Gypsy’s early voice rough. There’s an awful clanking/screeching noise when she talks as well, which I think is the sound of the pull cord on her jaw scratching against her tubing. They do have some fun in the host segments, though, like in the second one, where Joel explains to the Bots why humans can’t run around without their heads the way robots can. And the invention exchange, the electric bagpipes, are vintage Joel (also, terrible sounding). Oh, and the early theater silhouettes are a dark gray instead of black, and just don’t look right at all. 

Even Weird Al would burn that thing.

The Mads, beginning the experiment.

 

The Crawling Eye is just a hint of how good MST3K will become. While far from bad, the riffing, skits, and more have a ways to go before they become the show we all know and love. But diehard MSTies like me will enjoy seeing how it all began, in the not-too-distant past, 1989. 

And so, it begins.

  

Episode in a Riff:

Like, what’s a giant eye gonna do, pick you up and wink you to death? Not practical. -Joel

There’s too many things missing! -Alan Brooks

Like a plot. -Crow

That’s the ‘Eye-ful Tower’. Hurts, doesn’t it? -Tom

Random Asides

-My main knowledge of F-Troop come from MST discussing it and Freakazoid! Referencing it in the episode “Candle Jack”. I would like to write a paragraph on how these two wonderful shows cross their references to this one movie, but its pretty much just coincidence, so I’ll reiterate that you should watch both more MST3K and Freakazoid!. 

Freakazoid, ashamed he can't join Joel and the Bots in riffing the movie.

  

-It was also fun re-reviewing this episode since the last time I saw this, when I was first planning the blog. Originally, I was going to watch them all in order, and watch the movies as well, to get as full a view and create as in-depth a discourse as possible on the show. I changed it because watching each episode in order would rob a blog of any spontaneity or fun, and watching the uncut movies as well is just too much. I may do that for movies I’ve already seen or love, like the Godzilla and Gamera movies. Either way, I had fun looking at my old notes and seeing how my process for critiquing the show has come.

-Damn, Joel is young. He was in his, what, late 20s, early 30s at the time?

-It is damn weird seeing the show begin by cutting to the Mads instead of the crew of the SOL.

-My GOD do those electric bagpipes sound terrible!

-There seems to be a little continuity between the first episode and the KTMA ones, though just how they talk about the experiment still going on.

-During the opening credits, Tom reads, “’Duncan Sutherland’ what a yo-yo,” to which Joel says, “Good one, Tom.” That’s a lame joke, but I love their interaction. Both things would improve as the show went on, though. 

-I still think both the sisters are babes, and I can't decide which one is hotter.

-I also like that Joel comments on having to carry Tom into the theater.

-Their synchronicity during the, “Nice reel change!” riff is something they don’t do often, but is a fun touch I like. 

-Oh, before I forget: Freakaozoid! fans, there is no credit listing "Weena Mercatur as the Hopping Woman", FYI.

-When asked by Joel to list a thing they liked and thing they didn’t about the movie:

Crow’s good thing: “It wasn’t longer.” Crow’s bad thing: “It was this long.”

Tom’s good and bad thing: “The movie was ambitious but lacked vision.”

-At around the 18 minute mark, the movie cuts to the main characters relaxing in the inn’s pub, and it’s like Joel and the Bots are there with them. At a pub with Joel and the Bots seems a good way to spend forever. And, considering how many hours of this show there are, I practically can. 

Additional Links

Satellite News review

Annotations

MST Wiki Entry

513 - The Brain that Wouldn't Die

If you only knew what it's like being like this...

 

I don't think her insurance will cover this.

The Brain that Wouldn’t Die is fairly typical MST3K movie fodder. Dr. Bill is on the way to his country cottage with fiance Jan when they get into a car wreck and Jan’s head gets lopped off. But, Bill has been conducting experiments at the cottage, and manages to keep Jan’s head alive in a pan filled with an experimental serum. So, Jan spends her time wishing she were dead and tormenting Bill’s disfigured assistant, while also trying to contact the thing in the locked room the assistant and Bill created from their failed trials. Bill, meanwhile, has the unenviable task of going around town, looking at hot women in the hopes of finding a new, er, mode of transportation for Jan. It’s ridiculous and drags and is surprisingly sleazy, and the movie’s main visual is a woman’s head in a pan.

"This is a terrible Thanksgiving dinner centerpiece."

                                         

What isn’t typical is that series creator and star Joel Hodgson had left the show the previous episode, right in the middle of the season and after five years in. Enter Michael J. Nelson, Head Writer for the show (meaning he collected all the jokes written during writing sessions) and occasional guest performer (most famously Torgo in Manos: The Hands of Fate and Jack Perkins on the MST Hour) as the new test case for Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank’s experiment. The question was, how would he do, replacing the show’s beloved creator? How would his personality affect the tone of the show? Could he be funny? Did he even speak English, or was he just miming it well? Could the show carry on?

No. It was canceled after his one episode. The End.

Of course he was fine! Though the debate of who you prefer rages on today, Mike more than aptly filled in Joel’s shoes. Having played bit parts off and on throughout the show’s run, his performance as basically himself starts out with a strong sense of self, of Mike the friendly Midwestern guy with the sharp wit. Mike would fine tune his performance as the show went on, becoming the more sarcastic half of the coin to Joel’s more goofy one. He’s a little “aw, shucks” here, and I still think his voice sounds kinda off in his early episodes, like it’s too high pitched or something, but really, he’s got it down from the start. 

  

Prep time.

What takes a little while is his relationship with the Bots. Joel was the father figure, someone Tom, Crow, and Gypsy looked up to, even when they would give him grief. Mike on the other hand, would become the put-upon coworker, someone the Bots would enjoy tormenting just because. And while that relationship isn’t defined yet, there’s a hint of it as early as the intro segment, with Tom and Crow training the new boy in movie riffing. They kind of look down on him, and it’s something that’ll thankfully carry on through the rest of the series, haha. To simplify and metaphor it more: with Joel, the show feels like a fun family gathering; with Mike, it feels like a party with friends.

Oh right, yeah, the movie. They watch movies on this show, and make fun of them. Like I said, The Brain that Wouldn’t Die is pretty typical of 50s black and white B-movies, though there’s an extra side of sleaze as Dr. Bill trolls around town, ogling women and deciding which one has the best body and is the easiest to dispatch, and there’s some gore near the end. It’s a weird mix of like standard 50s schlock and a Tom Waits song. But, it’s about a woman’s head being kept alive in a pan, so of course there’s a lot for them to run with! When Jan and Bill’s assistant are bickering back and forth in the basement, Tom says, “Boy, you have a chip on your shoulder!”, and then Crow follows up with, “This operation’s gonna cost an arm and a leg! Oh, zing!” Tom also has fun quoting Waits during a scene at a sleazy bar / diner, and then when skeevy sax music plays as Dr. Bill drives around town looking at women, Tom imagines up, “Morning...it’s a sleazy morning out there. You’re listening to KPORN,...” There’s even references that are both  smarty pants and gross, like when the monster in the closet makes gruesome noises, which Mike comments as, “Ew, Dylan Thomas’ last moments on earth.” And they even get a chance to just be disgusted by Dr. Bill’s actions. The riffs are constant and funny, and the mix of tones and subject matter make for a hilarious episode.

Dr. Bill, somewhere in the middle of the D.E.N.N.I.S. System.

 The show does take a while to transition more to Mike’s style, though. The invention exchange and the prop hats they make for Jan in the Pan are very Joel-ish. Not that they aren’t funny, just that there’s some small changes being made as the show goes on. The Mads don’t miss a beat, though, Dr. F torturing Frank like it’s just another day.

Mike trying on hats for the Bots. Helps he's the only one with a human shaped head.

Fairly regular day in Deep 13.

Mike would continue on as star for the rest of the season and for four more after that. The best thing this hilarious, classic episode can proves is that the show would continue in its typically great fashion for an equally long time, even though the head came off, an equally great brain was there to be grafted on and carry the show on strong. Or, that while Dr. Bill couldn’t find the right body for his head, MST3K found the right head for it’s body. Or some such metaphor. Look, this movie deals with talking heads in pans and monsters in a closet, I can only do so much. 

The beginning of an era.

 

Episode in a Riff:

As Dr. Bill carries Jan’s head following the car crash: “He’s at the 20, he’s at the 10, no one will catch him!” -Mike

Random Asides:

-Joel had produced 80+ episodes (not including the KTMA season) by the time he left the show and Mike took over. Mike would go on to do another 80+ episodes. Here’s hoping Jonah reaches those numbers.

-No, Tom, The Beast of Yucca Flats is not as bad as this movie.

-Tom also mentions Mike having trained on riffing Night of the Lepus. Man, I hate they’ve never covered this movie! Thankfully, Rifftrax did!

-Mike really helps establish his identity by refusing to immediately answer the Mads’ call. Not that he doesn’t, eventually.

-Mike’s experiment isn’t bad, but it’s obvious why they stop doing inventions a few episodes later, as Kevin Murphy explains in the ACEG on episode 519: “Joel was the gizmocrat… And Mike? Well, let’s put it this way. Mike is not an inventor. Creative, yes, artistic, sure. Innovative, clever, resourceful, all of these and more. But the sight of a screwdriver puts him in a cold sweat...” It goes on, and is a hilarious read. 

-”Nothing’s unbelievable if you have the will to experiment!” God, I love 50s movies’ science talk

-Dr. Bill looks, and even acts, a bit like Glen Howerton’s character Dennis Reynolds from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and I shall run with that anytime I see this episode again.

-I like how Mike is digging through the ship, and Tom is sitting there with a cup of coffee hanging out like a useless foreman

-”Guys, thats not cheese! “

-Gypsy, on Jan in the Pan: “I don’t know, I just have this feeling she’s really a shoes person.”

-I really blocked out a lot of Jan in the Pan and Assistant guy’s dialogue the middle of the movie. Man was it overladen and boring

-This movie makes me feel real, real sorry for women

-35 minutes in, the camera cuts to a shot of a needle, and Tom says,  “Meanwhile at Kurt Cobain’s house!” He was still alive at the time, and that line stings even more now.

-Mike “So then the director’s whole point is, if I’m not mistaken, is in this often cold and lonely world, don’t reach out for love and human understanding, or you’ll only become part of a grisly lab experiment.”

Crow: “I think you’re selling it short, Mike. There’s also the strong anti-women message.”

Tom: “But mostly, it is a celebration of betrayal.”

Crow: “Oh, right, right.”

Tom: “But, don’t lose hope!”

Crow: “No, no no.”

Tom: “But, you can trust us!”

Crow: “Yeah!”

The Bots proceed to pry an embarrassing story out of Mike and rip him for it. Thus, their relationship begins.

-Mike at the end of the episode: “Y’know guys,  whole situation, being stuck up here in space,  being forced to watch cheesy movies, interacting with other life forms...it kinda bites.” 

Additional Links
Satellite News review

Annotations

MST3K Wiki entry

Season 12: The Gauntlet!

It may only be six episodes, but talk about some gets! An Asylum mockbuster of Pacific Rim? The first Ator movie? Frickin' Mac and Me?! Gonna be a great Thanksgiving!

410 - Hercules Against the Moon Men

There exists a man...one who is so marvelous, whose courage and whose strength has allowed him to overcome any danger that threatens him!

 

Herc's training machines are more extreme than Crossfit stuff.

Hercules Against the Moon Men, the episode that started it all... for me, anyway. I’ve gone over how I first discovered the show via this episode before, but I’ve never reviewed the episode proper. Now, as the show celebrates its 30^th anniversary, as Joel and Jonah and the Bots go on their country-wide tour, (and as I grow giddy with anticipation of their Dallas date!) it’s time I take a look at the first taste that got me hooked on that sweet movie-riffing drug.  Does it still hold up after all these years? 

Evil Moon Men, or 1970s music video?

Hell, I’ve rewatched this episode twice for the review, I love it so much! Hercules Against the Moon Men is another of the Italian produced sword-and-sandal or “peplum” movies featuring beefy guys in togas running around clashing swords and spears against soldiers, beating up monsters, and romancing women. It’s also another one of those featuring Italian hero Maciste re-dubbed as “Hercules” for American audiences. Here, “Hercules” is recruited to save the village of Samar, which must sacrifice people every moon cycle or whatever to appease the moon people who live there, giant rock-like guys led by a priest in a cool Aztec/luchador mask with a robe stolen from James Brown. Herc must also contend with the wiles of Queen Samara, resident femme fatale in charge.  In the words of Mike describing the plot in the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, “Eventually, Hercules beats up enough people that everything turns out okay.”

A lil' sumthin for the ladies.

This means lots of throwing stunt guys around and beating up people in monster suits amid splashy technicolor sets. Lord, how I love these movies.  They’re goofy, generally fast-paced,  and earnestly fun. Add in being dubbed, silly special effects, and a few women in tight togas, and you’ve got all-you-can-riff Italian on the SOL. And Joel and the Bots are hungry for laughs. They joke often and with glee, having a grand ol’ time with this movie.  They have fun with the costumes, as Joel calls the high Moon Priest, “A vision of a Mexican wrestler!” And Tom mimes the “sexy woman” saxophone music anytime Queen Samara walks by. And the silly monsters give them a chance to be goofy, like when Hercules fights the sharp toothed monsters in the bottom of a dungeon, Tom quips, “Young monster, you’re going to the orthodontist whether you want to or not!” Even better, next Joel says, “Trumpy, you’re angry!” Of course, there are smarty-pants references to classical literature and myth. “I’m writing a spec script for Aristophanes,” Crow says as Hercules comes upon a character writing on parchment. And when the Moon Priest appears as a ghostly visage, Tom say, “Oh, it’s Hamelt’s Dad! Wrong film!” Even the rock-like Moon Men themselves provide some good lines, such as Joel quipping, “It’s clobberin’ time” as they prepare to fight Herc. And when Herc stands in front of them, ready to fight, Crow says, “My name is Hercules, and I’m a rock-aholic!” And boy, do they get a lot of use out of the ‘Pizza Pizza” Little Caesar’s motto in this one. 

More sumthin for the ladies!

This is also one of the movies I  feel works better for Joel as a host than Mike. The sillier, goofier movies really fit his genial, jovial tone. There’s a scene where various townspeople discuss how to overthrow the queen, and every time the camera cuts to an actor, Joel and the bots will say something like, “It’s Abe Vigoda!” and applaud like a guest star is coming onto a TV set. And when the movie’s tediously long sandstorm scene happens, Joel prep-talks the Bots to keep riffing and survive. It’s the kind of fatherly thing Joel would do that Mike wouldn’t, and it makes the episode feel more familial and special, like watching a goofy  movie on TV with family on a rainy Saturday afternoon.

Pictured: the movie's climactic padding scene.

It also infects the host segments. None of them are quite classics, but they’re a lot of fun. Joel playing death-defying magician as he reenacts one of the death traps Hercules is placed in is a lot of fun, especially as Magic Voice counts down the obvious gag at the end, and the Bots getting new, buff arms means puppet time fun. And the “Pants” song is a treat. “Pants! / Pants! / Sing the praises of pants / They help me suck in my gut / They always cover up my butt! / Pants!” It’s catchy and has stuck with me since I first saw it. It could use some more visual flair, though, like pants on all the bots or something. Doesn’t hurt that it’s also the very first host segment I ever saw. Talk about a memory. 

"We will now perform the amazing illusion who's name we're not allowed to say."

The host segments also feature something special this episode: “Deep Hurting”, a new feature the Mads introduce as a way to build up the sandstorm sequence that pads out about 10 minutes of the movie near the end. It’s a fun little thing I wish the show had brought back, but honestly on my first viewing I didn’t find the sandstorm scene all that bad. I had only seen a chunk of the second half of the episode, so I assumed there had been two or three others. Nope, just the one. And frankly, the rock climbing scene from Lost Continent is far, far worse. Tom may say at the end of the episode, “That was one of the worst sequences from one of the worst movies we’ve seen,” but man have they seen worse and will see even worse. 

How I first saw the Mads. Very fitting.

  

I’ll also say, that seeing the full episode again is a little weird. For so long I only ever had the second half, and when I first discovered the show, just a chunk at that for a while. But seeing it the whole way through for the first time in a while, including the parts the MST Hour had to cut for time, was a nice reminder of how great this episode is. The jokes are numerous, Joel and the ‘Bots have a great attitude, the movie is perfect for them, and there’s a great attitude to it. The show hooked me within the first minute I saw of it, but I think Joel and the Bots trying to make it through the sandstorm scene kept me around. Them working together, friends surviving a terrible experience, have been fun 20 years and on. And I’ll probably be watching this one in 20 more years. Here’s to it. Joel, Mike, Jonah, Crow, Tom, thanks.

Episode in a Riff: A special three-fer!

These are the outtakes form here to eternity, I think. -Joel

No Joel, this is...just...eternity -Tom

boy, imagine what it would be like if something were happening! -Crow

Random Asides:

-As far as the Hercules / peplum movies go, this one can’t quite match the spectacle of the Steve Reeves movies. Then again, those had Mario Bava on set design.

--This was Alan Steel’s second movie as Maciste, and he would make many more where he would play Hercules, Samson, Maciste dubbed as Hercules, and Hercules proper alongside someone else as Maciste. I can keep track of multiple parallel Marvel and DC movie and comic universes and all the Godzilla timelines, but that shit has me beat.

-”Stick around here, and you’re headed for nowhere in a rocket sled.” I love Crow and Tom pretending like they’re going to run away.

-”tom is crying. They’re heading back. Commercial Sign now.” -Magic Voice

-”We’re back. We forgive you.” -Crow

-Man, the print they use for this movie is pretty faded and washed out. Looking up a better print online shows just how colorful it really is. Then again, the low quality adds to the “UHF Saturday Matinee showing” charm.

-They can complain about the sandstorm scene all they want. The rock climbing scene in Lost Continent is way, way worse.

-What’s with these movies and evil redheads? That’s not a complaint. 

-I love the part where they cut to one of the scantily clad women in the movie and Joel says, "Guys, I am so homesick right now." I always appreciate it when they play at the story of the show. 

-As a first-time viewer, the “deep hurting” scene was really confusing. It also seemed like, with all the dread and fear they showed it, the sandstorm scenes were more frequent instead of just the one at the end.

-I love the Bots giggling at the name “booby trap”

-I remember they reran this episode on MST Hour and I only got the second half again. The weekend it ran the first, I was in San Antonio with my family, and we’d seen Independence Day  that weekend, maybe 2^nd time. Good times. So the first half still feels fresh o me, and the second half like an old friend.

-”The movie industry is so bloated and sluggish it takes years for a sequel to even a popular film to get made” -Joel.

-From the letter Tom reads; “‘I have reason to believe you are not really broadcasting from space, but from somewhere in Minnesota or the US’… ‘huh, takes all kinds.”

-Frank:  “Y’know, sometimes I wish I was one of those little guys up there, quippin’ away, gadding about, hmm.” Me too, Frank my man, me too. Then again, no Deep Hurting. Life has its trade offs. 

Additional Links
Satellite News Review

MST3K Wiki Entry