Season 12: The Gauntlet!

It may only be six episodes, but talk about some gets! An Asylum mockbuster of Pacific Rim? The first Ator movie? Frickin' Mac and Me?! Gonna be a great Thanksgiving!

410 - Hercules Against the Moon Men

There exists a man...one who is so marvelous, whose courage and whose strength has allowed him to overcome any danger that threatens him!

 

Herc's training machines are more extreme than Crossfit stuff.

Hercules Against the Moon Men, the episode that started it all... for me, anyway. I’ve gone over how I first discovered the show via this episode before, but I’ve never reviewed the episode proper. Now, as the show celebrates its 30^th anniversary, as Joel and Jonah and the Bots go on their country-wide tour, (and as I grow giddy with anticipation of their Dallas date!) it’s time I take a look at the first taste that got me hooked on that sweet movie-riffing drug.  Does it still hold up after all these years? 

Evil Moon Men, or 1970s music video?

Hell, I’ve rewatched this episode twice for the review, I love it so much! Hercules Against the Moon Men is another of the Italian produced sword-and-sandal or “peplum” movies featuring beefy guys in togas running around clashing swords and spears against soldiers, beating up monsters, and romancing women. It’s also another one of those featuring Italian hero Maciste re-dubbed as “Hercules” for American audiences. Here, “Hercules” is recruited to save the village of Samar, which must sacrifice people every moon cycle or whatever to appease the moon people who live there, giant rock-like guys led by a priest in a cool Aztec/luchador mask with a robe stolen from James Brown. Herc must also contend with the wiles of Queen Samara, resident femme fatale in charge.  In the words of Mike describing the plot in the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, “Eventually, Hercules beats up enough people that everything turns out okay.”

A lil' sumthin for the ladies.

This means lots of throwing stunt guys around and beating up people in monster suits amid splashy technicolor sets. Lord, how I love these movies.  They’re goofy, generally fast-paced,  and earnestly fun. Add in being dubbed, silly special effects, and a few women in tight togas, and you’ve got all-you-can-riff Italian on the SOL. And Joel and the Bots are hungry for laughs. They joke often and with glee, having a grand ol’ time with this movie.  They have fun with the costumes, as Joel calls the high Moon Priest, “A vision of a Mexican wrestler!” And Tom mimes the “sexy woman” saxophone music anytime Queen Samara walks by. And the silly monsters give them a chance to be goofy, like when Hercules fights the sharp toothed monsters in the bottom of a dungeon, Tom quips, “Young monster, you’re going to the orthodontist whether you want to or not!” Even better, next Joel says, “Trumpy, you’re angry!” Of course, there are smarty-pants references to classical literature and myth. “I’m writing a spec script for Aristophanes,” Crow says as Hercules comes upon a character writing on parchment. And when the Moon Priest appears as a ghostly visage, Tom say, “Oh, it’s Hamelt’s Dad! Wrong film!” Even the rock-like Moon Men themselves provide some good lines, such as Joel quipping, “It’s clobberin’ time” as they prepare to fight Herc. And when Herc stands in front of them, ready to fight, Crow says, “My name is Hercules, and I’m a rock-aholic!” And boy, do they get a lot of use out of the ‘Pizza Pizza” Little Caesar’s motto in this one. 

More sumthin for the ladies!

This is also one of the movies I  feel works better for Joel as a host than Mike. The sillier, goofier movies really fit his genial, jovial tone. There’s a scene where various townspeople discuss how to overthrow the queen, and every time the camera cuts to an actor, Joel and the bots will say something like, “It’s Abe Vigoda!” and applaud like a guest star is coming onto a TV set. And when the movie’s tediously long sandstorm scene happens, Joel prep-talks the Bots to keep riffing and survive. It’s the kind of fatherly thing Joel would do that Mike wouldn’t, and it makes the episode feel more familial and special, like watching a goofy  movie on TV with family on a rainy Saturday afternoon.

Pictured: the movie's climactic padding scene.

It also infects the host segments. None of them are quite classics, but they’re a lot of fun. Joel playing death-defying magician as he reenacts one of the death traps Hercules is placed in is a lot of fun, especially as Magic Voice counts down the obvious gag at the end, and the Bots getting new, buff arms means puppet time fun. And the “Pants” song is a treat. “Pants! / Pants! / Sing the praises of pants / They help me suck in my gut / They always cover up my butt! / Pants!” It’s catchy and has stuck with me since I first saw it. It could use some more visual flair, though, like pants on all the bots or something. Doesn’t hurt that it’s also the very first host segment I ever saw. Talk about a memory. 

"We will now perform the amazing illusion who's name we're not allowed to say."

The host segments also feature something special this episode: “Deep Hurting”, a new feature the Mads introduce as a way to build up the sandstorm sequence that pads out about 10 minutes of the movie near the end. It’s a fun little thing I wish the show had brought back, but honestly on my first viewing I didn’t find the sandstorm scene all that bad. I had only seen a chunk of the second half of the episode, so I assumed there had been two or three others. Nope, just the one. And frankly, the rock climbing scene from Lost Continent is far, far worse. Tom may say at the end of the episode, “That was one of the worst sequences from one of the worst movies we’ve seen,” but man have they seen worse and will see even worse. 

How I first saw the Mads. Very fitting.

  

I’ll also say, that seeing the full episode again is a little weird. For so long I only ever had the second half, and when I first discovered the show, just a chunk at that for a while. But seeing it the whole way through for the first time in a while, including the parts the MST Hour had to cut for time, was a nice reminder of how great this episode is. The jokes are numerous, Joel and the ‘Bots have a great attitude, the movie is perfect for them, and there’s a great attitude to it. The show hooked me within the first minute I saw of it, but I think Joel and the Bots trying to make it through the sandstorm scene kept me around. Them working together, friends surviving a terrible experience, have been fun 20 years and on. And I’ll probably be watching this one in 20 more years. Here’s to it. Joel, Mike, Jonah, Crow, Tom, thanks.

Episode in a Riff: A special three-fer!

These are the outtakes form here to eternity, I think. -Joel

No Joel, this is...just...eternity -Tom

boy, imagine what it would be like if something were happening! -Crow

Random Asides:

-As far as the Hercules / peplum movies go, this one can’t quite match the spectacle of the Steve Reeves movies. Then again, those had Mario Bava on set design.

--This was Alan Steel’s second movie as Maciste, and he would make many more where he would play Hercules, Samson, Maciste dubbed as Hercules, and Hercules proper alongside someone else as Maciste. I can keep track of multiple parallel Marvel and DC movie and comic universes and all the Godzilla timelines, but that shit has me beat.

-”Stick around here, and you’re headed for nowhere in a rocket sled.” I love Crow and Tom pretending like they’re going to run away.

-”tom is crying. They’re heading back. Commercial Sign now.” -Magic Voice

-”We’re back. We forgive you.” -Crow

-Man, the print they use for this movie is pretty faded and washed out. Looking up a better print online shows just how colorful it really is. Then again, the low quality adds to the “UHF Saturday Matinee showing” charm.

-They can complain about the sandstorm scene all they want. The rock climbing scene in Lost Continent is way, way worse.

-What’s with these movies and evil redheads? That’s not a complaint. 

-I love the part where they cut to one of the scantily clad women in the movie and Joel says, "Guys, I am so homesick right now." I always appreciate it when they play at the story of the show. 

-As a first-time viewer, the “deep hurting” scene was really confusing. It also seemed like, with all the dread and fear they showed it, the sandstorm scenes were more frequent instead of just the one at the end.

-I love the Bots giggling at the name “booby trap”

-I remember they reran this episode on MST Hour and I only got the second half again. The weekend it ran the first, I was in San Antonio with my family, and we’d seen Independence Day  that weekend, maybe 2^nd time. Good times. So the first half still feels fresh o me, and the second half like an old friend.

-”The movie industry is so bloated and sluggish it takes years for a sequel to even a popular film to get made” -Joel.

-From the letter Tom reads; “‘I have reason to believe you are not really broadcasting from space, but from somewhere in Minnesota or the US’… ‘huh, takes all kinds.”

-Frank:  “Y’know, sometimes I wish I was one of those little guys up there, quippin’ away, gadding about, hmm.” Me too, Frank my man, me too. Then again, no Deep Hurting. Life has its trade offs. 

Additional Links
Satellite News Review

MST3K Wiki Entry