Jet Jaguar! Get Godzilla!
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| A friendship as enduring as... one movie. |
What to say about Godzilla vs. Megalon? It’s one of the most infamous of Godzilla movies, made during the nadir of the series’ original run. Its main attraction is Jet Jaguar, an Ultraman-esque robot created by a child who entered a contest run by Toho, a lot of the destruction scenes are lifted from older movies, and Godzilla himself doesn’t really appear until the last half-hour. What’s to say about it? If you’re the crew of the SOL, you have a lot of hilarious things to say about it!
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| Megalon and Gigan: the Mac and Dennis of the kaiju world. |
Because this is a Godzilla movie made in the 70s, calling the plot “batshit” would be generous, so I’ll just go over the highlights: Jet Jaguar, a robot made by humans, gets help from Godzilla to fight Megalon, a sort-of giant rhino beetle from the undersea kingdom of Seatopia, and Gigan, the cyborg-chainsaw-chicken monster from the previous movie whom the Seatopians literally just ask to borrow from his alien masters. Eventually, the bad guy monsters get beat up enough to leave, Godzilla and Jet Jaguar become friends, and then Jet Jaguar gets his own theme music to close out the movie. It’s fast paced, very goofy, and there’s an annoying kid character (the “Kenny”) in it for no reason other than to appeal to kids. It’s dang near the bottom in terms of Godzilla movies, but it still has some fun action and monster fights.
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| Somehow, still not the most ridiculous Godzilla moment. |
So of course, Joel and the Bots have a ball with it. There’s jokes about the effects, when Megalon first appears, Tom says, “He awakes with the worst special effects of the morning.” Then there’s the Seatopian’s ridiculous outfits and togas, prompting Joel to say, “These Klan meetings have really lightened up. Very festive!” There’s even some historical references, like when the Japanese military fires tons of missiles at Megalon, and Joel says, “Who’s firing, Kissinger? You got him!” They also don’t make many bad Japanese-accent jokes, which didn’t do Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster any favors.
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| "I'm off to destroy happiness in a giant turtle movie!" |
Then there’s the treatment they give the movie’s poor little shrill-voiced Kenny, Roku-chan. When somebody says his name, which sounds like “Roxanne”, Tom says, “You don’t have to wear that dress tonight!” They make fun of his dubbing, like when he shrieks, “It’s a pity we can’t sent Jet Jaguar to go and get Godzilla,” and Crow retorts, “Yeah, it’s a pity we can’t kill you and get away with it.” And when he goes riding off on his little scooter, Joel encourages him, “Don’t forget to ride towards traffic!”
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| How Godzilla deals with hostage takers. |
They also make the most of the main monster battle royale, which the SOL crew joke through like they’re fight commentators. “So, gang, what does Godzilla bring into this fray?” Tom asks. “He brings the legend that is ‘Godzilla’,” Joel responds. And when Godzilla uses a tree on Megalon, Crow yells, “He’s got a tree! He’s got a tree! That’s not the Godzilla we know, he’s fighting dirty!” Sometimes too much monster action can reduce them to just bored spectators, but here they’re on radioactive fire.
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| I could watch them scream at one another like this for ten minutes. |
The sense of fun they have spreads into the host segments. Crow and Tom make up their own monsters in one segment, which quickly devolves into them childishly one-upping each other with new powers and how much stronger their monster is than the other’s. “Mine has a secret elf in his head!” Crow says. Tom replies, “Mine is a million, jillion times more powerful!”The “Orville Popcorn” sketch making fun of the old Orville Redenbacher commercials may not have anything to do with the movie, but it is a blast, as elderly popcorn magnet Crow chastises grandson Tom for wanting to ditch his dorky outfit and use their money to get chicks. It quickly devolves into screaming, threat-filled hysterics, and it’s wonderful. But it says a lot that this isn’t even the best skit. No, that goes to “Rex Dart: Eskimo Spy”, where the crew uses clips of main character Hiroshi and his escapades chasing bad guys in his little hatchback accompanied by jazzy keyboard music to pretend it’s a spy TV show. It’s simple and catchy and boy is it a hoot.
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| Yet another time the cast and crew of the show almost immolated themselves in the name of comedy. |
The only things keeping this episode from being an all-time classic are the lack of anything truly, memorably bad about the movie (them watching Godzilla’s Revenge would’ve solved that. Woof) and… that’s about it. I don’t think Jet Jaguar gets mentioned in any future episodes, but I’m pretty sure Rex Dart gets a reference in a Jonah episode. Really, it’s a shame this one doesn’t get more callbacks, as Jet Jaguar, the eternally-smiling, size-changing robot, is a lot of fun, and there’s a ton to enjoy about this episode. It’s just that the Gamera movies overshadow the Godzilla ones in terms of badness, memorable silliness, and riffing quality. The only thing they don’t have is Godzilla. And it says a lot about this episode’s quality that the Big G isn’t the only reason to watch it.
Episode in a riff:
Godzilla’s back, and someone’s got to pay! -Servo
Random asides:
-I reviewed this not just so I could have a celebration to mark my 50th review (God, I’m slow at writing these), but to celebrate the release of the new anime Godzilla: Singular Point. Let’s just say that, even with its high production quality and anime versions of Godzilla, Anguirus, and Jet Jaguar, I’d much rather watch the MSTied version of Godzilla vs. Megalon over it. Hell, maybe even the un-MSTied version of GvM over it.
-I love how Mike Nelson describes the writing of the Orville Popcorn sketch in the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide. It’s apparently one of his favorites, and it, “takes on a weak opponent and pummels him mercilessly… Our Show continues a tradition of tackling anemic opponents e.g. barbecue sauces, Mentos candies, bed and breakfasts. Sleep better, America, knowing that we don’t intend to stop.”
-My other favorite entry from the ACEG is Trace Beaulieu’s “MST3K Monster!” entry, calling Godzilla, “A.K.A. the Amazing Teddy Z” and that “Jet Jaguar also makes an appearance, but I don’t really consider him a monster so I’m not going to talk about him.” Gigan is not even mentioned at all. But true G-fans know he’s rad, so it’s okay.
-The crew, especially Tom, hurl a few “Fakey”s at the model work, a lot of which comes from stock footage from Destroy All Monsters, one of the series’ best. I’d take offense to that on Eiji Tsuburaya’s sake, but considering the movies the cast and crew of this show have had to endure, I’d say they’ve paid their penance for it.
- “Little problem getting the Rosie Greer head to take”. Oh, Dr. F.
-“If you’re like me, and I know I am...” Something random Joel says that I love.
-I adore the childish bickering between Crow and Tom about whose robot is more powerful
-Tom says, of Roku-chan’s dolphin ride, “They can make high-definition TV but theycan’t make decent water toys.” Hey, I thought those were neat as a kid!
-Tom says of Jet Jaguar, “What a stupid name!” A group of kids say exactly the same thing in Godzilla: Singular Point.
-Even after seeing this movie a dozen times, I still don’t know why they needed the model plane to distract the Seatopians.
-All shots of Megalon destroying panes are of Gigan from previous movie.
-Why would Jet Jaguar’s creators build it so it could give itself free will? Haven’t they seen what that’s lead to for poor Joel Robinson?!
-In the previous movie Gigan had King Ghidorah as a sort-of sidekick. Here, he’s the sidekick
-Joel, as the commercial producer, after the Bots have been screaming at each other for about ten straight seconds: “It’s a 30 second spot, try to mention the product more.”
-I love the crew’s translation of Jet Jaguar’s fight song, especially the lyric, “His mother never really love him,” which has been in my head for years.
-Wow, the cast and crew really put themselves at risk with that flame thrower on Tom’s arm in the final host segment.
-Gotta love the Mads playing Mario at the end.
-The stinger for this episode, of Godzilla jumping into the ocean, is actually a clip from a previous Godzilla movie, Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, which, yep, would be the next episode!
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| It's true. |
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