111 - Moon Zero Two

Let's Moon 'em

Season 1 is an interesting beast. It finds the show growing from its UHF roots into legitimate cable show, but not hitting its cult classic stride. That, and early writer and performer J. Elvis Weinstein is still on as both the original voice for Tom Servo and Mad Dr. Laurence Erhardt. And no matter how many Season 1 episodes I’ve seen, it’s still a little disconcerting, as Weinstein's Servo is a little less bubbly, a little more buttoned up, and Kevin Murphy was Servo for so long, as well as the longest running cast member on the show (so far; God wiling the revival lasts 20 years!) That said, in this episode, Weinstein’s Servo is a lot looser, funnier, and closer to the classic Tom we all know and love. And that’s really how Moon Zero Two feels as a whole; it’s not the show’s stride, but it’s getting there, albeit with some bumps.

Part of both the rockiness and the close-to-greatness are due to the movie itself. Moon Zero Two is a swinging 60s romp of a space heist/western flick, produce by Hammer Films and released three months to the day after the Apollo 11 landing, which is referenced with a statue marking the spot (in a scene added late in production). Bill Kemp is a man making his living salvaging space scrap and living on the Moon, in Moon City, where he docks at Moon International Airport and makes Moon Dollars, and yes that’s what they’re literally called in the movie. After bringing back a trashed Satellite, Kemp is approached by Moon Billionaire (not what he’s called in the movie, I’m just calling him that) Hundred Percent Hubbard, a duplicitous douchebag who offers Kemp an under-the-table job (not that kind, perv) to hijack an asteroid made entirely of sapphire and land it on the dark side of the moon. But things get complicated when Kimble meets-cute with blonde babe Clementine, who is looking for her missing moon miner brother. Are the two plots somehow connected? Are there lots of slow motion “space” scenes? Is the soundtrack smooth 60s jazz? Is this movie actually a ton of fun? Did I think A LOT about the moon-based Futurama episode The Series has Landed and make Crushinator jokes to myself? The answer to all of these is, “Yes”.  

River Tam is getting in a fight just behind them

Also a “yes” is that the movie being fast paced, witty, and watchable is mostly a help and also a little a hindrance. MST3K movies that are fast moving, goofy, but not painfully bad make for better episodes, and there’s some fun art direction, likeable performances, and witty banter in this. Unfortunately, this early in the show’s run, the Best Brains haven’t quite gotten the art of riffing nailed yet. Sometimes the jokes are just, "this is some bad music," or the delivery just doesn't have the punch it needs, like when Crow, upon seeing a mountain, says "Hey, it's the original Space Mountain!" It's like I said with Weinsten's performance as Servo; all of them are slowly loosening up, the writing and amount of jokes are improving, but aren't there yet.  That, and the first half of the episode is funnier than the second.  The host segments show growth is still needed as well, with only the “toys of the future” joke having a decent punchline as Joel makes Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots out of the Bots.

I haven’t revisited a lot of Season 1 episodes in my time as a fan of the show, for the reasons I’ve listed; hey, if I’m gonna rewatch my favorite show, why not rewatch it as its best? But as I’ve said before, every new MST3K episode is like discovering a whole new world, one of new sights to see, jokes to hear, and references to not get for a few years, and I still felt it here, though not as strongly as in later, better shows. But it says something that this is one episode I’ll have to give a second viewing to sometime in the future, although I’m not in quite a rush to.

Episode in a Riff

"Who decided freeform jazz was the right thing for the soundtrack?" -Servo

Random Asides

-The Amazing Colossal Episode Guide says the star, James Olson, has done more Harry O episodes than David Jensen. What and Who?

-Speaking of the Guide, in the write up for this episode, Mike Nelson said he and none of the other writers remember making this episode! Funny, since it's not a bad movie, but not super memorable either. That said, I love how he ends every sentence while describing the plot with “on the moon! In he future!!!” It's rather apt for how the actual movie names things.

-You can clearly see the separation on the cookie early on in the Invention Exchange. How they do the milk thing, though, I have no idea. And the vomiting celebrity head toothpaste dispensers are

-I miss the “thank you!” from the Mads. 

-I watched this episode on a a depressive day. Holy SHIT are times like this when I thank God for the show

-The poser and description for this movie say it's a space western, but with all the jazz music and the plot about stealing a giant sapphire asteroid, it feels way more like a heist flick. The only thing western about it are the western dancers at the Moon Bar and that the space miners are moon hicks (with British accents, because Hammer.)

-I really dug this movie. It's got a fun, carefree performance by James Olson, his Russian sidekick is cool, Catherine Schell is cute, and I really enjoyed the swinging soundtrack. There are also nice touches of actual science and realism, like the look of the spacesuits, and explosive dcompression when guns are used.

-There's a plaque memorializing all the people who've died for the Moon. It's in the men's room. Even the characters comment on this. 

There's a joke during the cartoon intro to the movie where a rich guy in a cartoon limo drives around and Joel says, "Hey, it's Donald Trump, chasing the good guys away. That doesn't make sense." Servo replied, "It makes perfect sense!" Unfortunately, that joke still works.

-Ah, 60s fight scenes. Karate chops and slow gut punches everywhere.

-Crows says a good thing and a bad thing about the movie is its groovy. Agreed.

6 Favorite Riffs

 

 

Additional Links

Satellite News review

Annotations

View the Full Episode HERE!

907 - Hobgoblins

Ugh.

You always hurt the ones you love. Into the belly of the beast. God save the children. Whatever. Ugh, HOBGOBLINS.

Let’s get this one out of the way. I know some people say Manos, some say Monster a Go-Go, and some say any of the Coleman Francis movies or Castle of Fu Manchu are the worst. But so far, for me, Hobgoblins is the worst movie MST3K ever showed. Sure, Manos is more ineptly made, and Monster a Go-Go is more boring, and to some people, boring and inept are the worst a movie can be. But to me, annoying and disgusting are the worst, and Hobgoblins is both. There’s a reason this was maybe the third or fourth time I’d seen this one. And while the movie was wasn't as horrible as I remember it being (by maybe, and I'm being generous, 5%), the episode was thankfully a lot funnier than I remember as well.

From the first host segment, of Mike and the Bots being punished for jumping on a couch sent to them by Pearl, a message is sent: this one’s gonna hurt. Bad. The movie concerns Kevin, a whiny doofus who gets a job as a security guard at an old film studio that’s totally, seriously not an abandoned factory lot, you guys. One night, while training with his superior McCreedy, (who looks a LOT like William B. Davis, the Smoking Man from X-Files), Kevin accidentally unleashes the secret that the elderly McCreedy has been hiding in a literal bank vault on the film studio for years: the Hobgoblins, lifeless puppet Gremlins knock-offs that kill people by bringing their deepest, and cheapest to film, fantasies to life. The beginning of this episode isn’t too bad. But the movie gets way worse when we meet the main characters. I’m sorry “characters”, including Kevin’s friends, the equivalent of STDs that walk and talk. The hobgoblins bring fantasies such as Army generals and rejected 80s music video starlets to life and endear themselves to the audience by trying to kill the humans in the movie. Unfortunately, they fail, and instead, after running rampant around town and God I hate even recounting this damn movie, they are blown up by the security guard who first improsined them. Meaning he could’ve done that years ago and spared us this movie. You can’t see it, but I’m rolling my eyes and spitting on the ground.

Making something dumb or silly or stupid fun is easy for MST. Making something ingratiating and unpleasant fun? Bigger challenge. So it says a lot, and I mean a LOT, about the Best Brains, that after avoiding this episode for years, I will be watching it again, because this is one damn funny episode. Not one of their best, for sure, and the movie is still bad enough I won’t be re-watching it enough to induce memorization, but still well worth watching. 

I've said before that Season 9 isn't the show's strongest to me, sometimes feeling like Mike and the Bots are reciting jokes rather than having fun making off-the-cuff remarks at a movie. Not here. They are engaged, they are disgusted, and they are on point in this episode. I remembered this movie being so painful, I avoided re-watching it extensively, so I forgot how frequent and funny the jokes are (I mostly remembered "PAIN" from this). The host segments from the beginning (well, after the Robert Palmer intro segment) are all about how bad this movie is, from the beginning couch-jumping segment (man, that has a different meaning post-2005) to the cardboard cutouts near the end. And once they're in the theater, Mike and the Bots' fear is almost palpable, as Mike tries to corral the Bots who try to escape during the opening credits. They get angry at the movie fast, they stay angry and disgusted throughout, and that engagement really makes the jokes, from Servo's frustrated, "So then he becomes a Jedi Knight? WHY AM I SITTING HERE?" to Mike pointing out, during a front-yard rake-fight scene (seriously, yes), "Hey, did you see that? The hose out-acted them", to Crow saying, as a character arrives on screen, "Ah, and what brisk witticism does this chappy have to offer?" Despite the normal perception of the show, the SOL crew rarely hate a movie. They hate this one. And that makes the episode all the better.

But the sheer badness of the movie really knocks it down a few pegs for me. Normally, when Mike and the Bots are in pain , I love it. and I do, here. but this movie is so bad, so painful, it causes me pain. It's like the opposite of in "Santa Claus", where the sheer goofiness of the movie elevate it above average riffing. But even the pain the movie brings kind of makes watching it with  Mike and the Bots somewhat more enjoyable. It’s like bonding with fellow soldiers over the pain of old battles.

With its cheap puppets and sleazy characters, Hobgoblins is as fuzzy and lovable as a yeast infection.The episode, however, is something of a sharp, cutting gem, one I'll have to take another look at. Just not anytime soon.

Episode in a Riff

"Can we have a rule in the future that 'films' hav eto be made by filmmakers?" - Crow

Random Asides
-Lord, I remember when seeing this episode for the first time, I thought “this is gonna be a bad one." 

-I really, REALLY love how the old guy could’ve blown up the hobgoblins years ago and saved us hits movie

-There's not even so much as a twist tie on the vault containing the Hobgoblins.

-They Hobgoglins themselves are pretty cute puppets, but they make Charles \Band look like  ILM

- Is the set up to this movie on par with the one for Hamlet? Maybe

-"I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On" is not a Robert Palmer song I’m familiar with. Fixing that as I edit this review.

-Is the set up to Pearl revealing the movie on par with the one for Hamlet? Maybe.

-I feel so sorry this security guard who wasted 30 years of his life in this movie

-is that Skeletor’s sister as Jessie Spano from that pill popper episode of "Saved by the Bell" as Daphne the Slut?

-The garden tool fight scene. One of many reasons that F this movie.

-In any other movie, red shorts guy would be the stereotypical gay character

-What book is mike reading? Whatever it is, I love Servo is reading Richard Scarry

-"Ah women. Women women women women women." I applaud Crow's choices of Lucille Balle and Lucy from Peanuts as prime examples of womanhood in his instructional anti-misogyny video.  And that crow can’t find women on the ship. Except Gypsy. I love even more that it's filmed like a search for Bigfoot.

-I like that they’re laughing at special effects that are about the show’s level

-So, the Hobgoblins use fantasies to lure people to kill them or something? And this first one just imitates a car horn and gets its ass kicked by a rake thin 80s roller skank. Way to go.

-"I was almost just killed by monsters. Time to call a phone sex line!!!" ARGH. 

-I want to thank Best Brains for cutting out the obvious handjob scene.

-Seriously, who is this movie for?  It's too ugly and gross for adults, too dumb for kids. Also it’s a horrible POS.

-Yeah, glittery streamers over the doors and Marge Simpson hairdos. Club Scum is a real dive bar, man..

-Y’know that feeling when your'e at a club or a concert and the band playing isn’t very good so you just sit there, awkwardly waiting for it to end, exchanging odd glances with your friends? They put that in a movie. I think Rick Sloane just filmed whatever was happening at the club that night. 

-I don't care, I like red jacketed MC guy.
 

-Kevin is just looking everywhere for Amy, like "Where’s the plot? Anyone seen it?”

-"Fishpicker!" Well, that killed 2 1/2 minutes of my life. 

-Amy became soooooo much less attractive when she got 80s skanked up.

-"Red hot, uncensored Jami Gertz". Except Jamie Gertz is actually hot

-I feel so sorry for the actor playing the old security guard. Not anyone else, just him. 

-I also feel kind of sorry for Rick Sloane. He offered to have the movie be an episode and they torched him hard for it. Oh wait, he still made the movie. I feel less bad for him. 

-No, this is NOT a better movie than Road House. 

6 Favorite Riffs 

Additional Lnks:

Satellie News review

Annotations

HuffPost Article on MST and Deprrssion

The official MST3K Facebook page linked to a fantastic article on The Huffington Post about how MST helped a woman deal with and even survive depression. It echoes a lot of my feelings for the show and my own struggles with depression, and is a fantastic read. Pleas check it out!

How "Mystery Science Theater 3000" Alleviated My Deprrssion.

521 - Santa Claus

No, Lupita!

What do you get when you mix Santa Claus, kids movies, Mexican film, and Satan? Pure, family friendly, holiday movie insanity. You also get a classic episode of MST3K. Well, classic for most, since it seems I’m among the few who doesn’t outright love this episode. Not that there isn’t a lot to love. But this is one of the rare occasions where the movie outshines the jokes made about it.

Santa Claus is by far one of MST’s strangest, most memorable, and most entertaining movies. It begins in a castle in the sky, as Santa Claus plays an organ while stereotyped children from different countries and regions from the world help to make his toys. This is even stranger and more gloriously insane on film than it is to read. And that’s all before the Devil gets involved! Well, a devil, a red-suited and flamboyant demon named Pitch. Pitch is ordered by Lucifer to stop Santa from spreading joy throughout the world, and proceeds to manipulate children to help ruin Christmas, including trying to get three boys to kidnap Santa, and to convince the poor and desperately adorable little girl Lupita to steal a doll. Can Santa and the forces of good and presents triumph over as effete and prancing a menace as Pitch?

A better question is, can Mike and the Bots be more entertaining than the movie? It’s a weird, creative, and fun film in the way only mad-genius kids movies can be. It operates on childlike logic and imagination, such as how Pitch is threatened with having to eat chocolate ice cream as punishment, and has a decent budget to bring it to life, and enough wrongheaded ideas to make some parts unintentionally hilarious (the racially stereotypes as hell kids singing and making presents) and terrifying (the clockwork reindeer. Eek!) It’s weird enough to provide perfect fodder for Mike and the Bots. But oddly enough, it’s not quite bad enough to make good fodder either. They suffer through some of the weirder parts, sure, like the creepy instruments at the castle and the windup reindeer. But frankly, this movie, with is gorgeous sets, fun performances and all around weirdness, make for better entertainment that the riffing. Often, Mike, Tom, and Crow are just reacting how damn strange the film is.

But, that does have the added benefit of adding to the “hanging out with friends” aspect of MST that I love. We’re watching all the wackiness unfold right along with the crew of the SOL. It’s almost a very Joel-esque Mike episode (I think this movie actually might’ve made a better Joel episode, and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians might’ve made a better Mike episode). When the jokes come less like professional comedy writers and more casually, like friends watching a movie, I think the show is strongest. To me, it’s what separates the greatness of Season 8, where Mike and the Bots make each other laugh a lot, with Season 9, where it does feel very practiced and a bit more rigid. So, this episode, which really does feel like you’re watching the madness for the first time with some funny friends, instead of writers who’ve seen this movie eight or nine times, stands out in its delivery and presentation, but maybe not so much in how consistently funny the jokes are. That and Mike is still new in front of the camera, being only 8 episodes into his time as host, and he’s still adapting, still very genial and not at the casual, snarky heights he would reach. The host segments aren’t bad, but not great either, though the song, “Have a Merry Christmas…If That’s Okay”, is a standout, with its capitulations to enjoying the holidays however you want, in the most 90s, politically-correct way, such as “perhaps your religions doesn’t include a time called ‘lent’/but whatever your religion is, we support you 100 percent!” That it’s sung in earnest makes it even more fun, and would be a joy to carol. And we also get longtime writer Paul Chaplin’s debut as Pitch, and while he’s played many characters on the show, his soft-spoken, Midwestern delivery make Pitch his best and one of the show’s best recurring movie characters.

So while, for me, the riffing isn’t consistently great, the movie is consistently entertaining. What I’m saying is, this episode is like a 7 out of 10. Worth watching, just not a personal fave of mine. But it is a great way to MST up the holidays.

Episode in a Riff:

“Is this weird enough for ya, kids? How does this make you feel about Santa?” -MIke

Random Asides:

-I actually saw part of this movie on a Spanish language TV channel somewhere around middle school, tuning in to the part near the end when Santa is being harassed by Pitch and chased by a dog. I was more than curious to discover it was featured on MST.

-I love Crow flailing around

-I love how expectant Frank is of a gift from Dr. Forrester. What’s even better is how half-assed Dr. F’s gift is. Even better than that are the gifts on the SOL. A 1991 drug IV handbook! I have a feeling the prop department just threw together what trash they had. And who the heck is Steve Alamo?

-Servo is Jewish. Canon now.

-This episode aired on Christmas Eve of 1994. That would’ve made a great gift for any family! Not mine. They’d put up with me and this show for about 10 minutes!

-Damn, this is a goofy, weird, and still kinda cute movie. I like the detail about Pitch the demon having to eat chocolate ice cream as punishment. It’s that kind of kid logic that really makes a kid movie.

-Why does the newspaper headline read “Spirit of Christmas Invades America”? Is it some sort of aggressive foreign power?

-It’s snowing in space at the end, and the SOL has a chimney, because duh.

-Rene Cardona directed a ton of films, including cult classic “Night of the Bloody Apes”, and producer Guillermo Calderon produced Ep BLANK Robot vs Aztec Mummy

-From watching the making-of doc on the DVD, it looks like a few scenes were left out of the MST cut of the film. I wonder if any of them explain the origins of the disappearing flower and how Merlin got involved with Santa?

-The climax of this movie involved Santa being chased up a tree by a dog. That’s a pretty lame climax for such a colorful and creative film.

-Santa has visited like five people by night’s end

-Have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, a great Kwanzah, or whatever day, holiday, or anything you’re celebrating! Thanks for sharing it and some MST with me. 

6 Favorite Riffs

Additional Links:
Satellite News review