909 - Gorgo

The infant...the adult!

Gorgo time. (I didn't go with "Big Bent" because of what "bent" means in English slang.)

Considering my love of Godzilla, it’s no surprise some daikaiju or “giant monster” movies are among my favorite MST episodes. It’s two things I love going great together! But that doesn’t mean they always do. Sometimes, combining two great things results in peanut butter and jelly, and other times in peanut butter and hamburgers. Some kaiju movies, like the Gamera series, are full of fast paced and bizarre plots, goofy monsters, grating kid characters, and are perfectly suited to be riffed on by the SOL crew.

Then there’s Gorgo, a classy British Godzilla knock-off that features solid acting, decent effects, well done sets and lighting, and a more serious tone while still being a fun monster movie. Sam and Joe are two treasure hunters who are off the coast of Ireland when a volcano erupts, putting something of a hamper on their excursion. How are they gonna recoup the costs? Maybe the 30 foot aquatic dinosaur that comes onto land will help. With a little fishing net and local kid Sean in tow, they’re taking the monster, Gorgo, to London to be put in the circus and shown to the world. Slight hitch, though. Turns out it’s just a baby, and 200 foot tall Mama Gorgo is coming to London to get custody back, minus solicitors and courts. 

Fawlty Tower Bridge. Thank you, I'm outta here!

Because the movie’s effects are decent and the monster suit isn’t too goofy, there’s not the usual stuff for the Best Brains to latch onto. There’s no freewheeling cavalcade of jokes at the expense of the special effects or pleas for an annoying “Kenny” kid character to shut up. Not that there aren’t monster movie riffs, like when baby Gorgo is backed into his pen, Tom saying, “I left instructions with Mothra! If I don’t get in touch he’s gonna wreck this place.” But the riffing feels more subdued and sparse at times, like the film is almost too decent to provide good riffing material. Thank God this movie takes place in England and Ireland! “In Ireland. Send real food,” Crow says as someone sends a telegraph.  And, when Gorgo roars, showing rows of grisly fangs, Mike quips, “Hey, the best teeth in England.” There’s even sillier jokes, like Mike wondering during Gorgo’s rampage, “Maybe Mary Poppins will come in and kick his ass,” and, as Baby Gorgo is run out from a village by a torch wielding mob, Crow says, “Fine, I’ll spend my Euros elsewhere.” And of course they get in some obscure references, such as when the main characters examine a bathysphere, and Mike says, “Bought it from the government. Says it’s called ‘Fatman’ or something.” And there’s a great nod to H.P. Lovecraft when Crow says, “Hi, I’m Gorgo, but I’m not Mormo or the Thousand Faced Moon.” They have fun, but it does feel like they’re grasping at things to make fun of, especially when they get to the name of the circus showing off Baby Gorgo: “Dorkin.” “Don’t bother the man, he’s Dorkin!” and “Truly this is a black day for Dorkin,” are just a few of the examples. It feels a little desperate, but it’s not terrible, and over all they get a lot of quality riffing and variety of jokes out of a rather dry and decent movie.

The movie does give them opportunities for some solid host segment skits as well. The presence of actor William Sylvester (previously of Devil Doll and Riding with Death) gives Mike the chance to bust out his copy of Trivial Pursuit: William Sylvester Edition, much to Tom and Crow’s palpable ambivalence. And, with parts of the movie being in Ireland, one of the characters looking like Samuel Beckett, and then the movie’s damn title, you get the practically preordained “Waiting for Gorgo” skit. 

I always appreciate MST3K's attempts to enlighten its audience with classic theater. And putting monsters into it.

But the other big moment from this episode is the cameo from acclaimed film critic Leonard Maltin. Pearl visits him while she’s in California, and it’s he that recommends he movie, albeit saying he does like it. It’s a cool moment, one of too few run-ins the critical jokers of the SOL have had with actual, paid film critics. 
 

He may not like Godzilla movies, but I still like him.

 

Still, despite its issues of the movie almost being too quality to provide riffing material, Mike and the Bots make do for a solid, if unspectacular, episode. There’s better kaiju joviality to be had with the likes of the Gamera movies, but if you’re in the mood for monsters and United Kingdom bashing, and a cool cameo to boot, this one’s worth a look.

Episode in a Riff:

McRoar! O’Growl! -Mike

Random Asides:

                

-I’d seen this movie numerous times before seeing it on the show. At first, I wasn’t a fan of the episode, but on my second and now third or fourth viewing, I’ve come around to appreciating it. I’d still rather just watch the original, though.

                    

-I’m a little surprised they got Maltin on the show after the extreme diss they handed him during episode 806 – The Undead. I believe they have him say he’s consorted with prostitutes and that his book is overpriced. Bygones and all that, I guess!

-I love Bobo and Brain Guy arm wrestling in the intro. Nice to see Bobo be confident for once.

-The director of Gorgo, Eugène Lourié, also directed the Ray Harryhausen effects-laden Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, which would go on to inspire Godzilla. So, he’s directed a Godzilla precursor and knock off!

                  

-The documentary included by Shout! on the DVD about the making of Gorgo and its director is one of the best extras they’ve included. Too bad the clips from the movie are from a restored print, showing just how colorful and well done the movie is and how poor a copy MST had to work with.

-The “Leonard Maltin Explains Something” extra, where he pimps his newest book and reveals he has clones, is also fun!

-I like how the main characters want to get rid of Baby Gorgo so they can salvage gold, after already finding Viking relics. Yeah, Viking weapons and a living fossil, who’d pay to see that?

 -Sean, the young kid who is attached to Gorgo, is by far the least annoying kid in any giant monster movie ever.

-Who is applauding their performance of Waiting for Gorgo? Did all the Servos roaming around just show up to fill seats?

-As far as I can tell, there isn’t a single named female character in the movie. Mike and the Bots had to freeze background and group shots to find any. Unless Adult Gorgo is a Mom. In which case, I’m counting her.

-I could go on about how good Gorgo is, from the great composite shots to the suit having digitigrade legs to the use of color, darkness and lighting. But the one thing I want to focus on is that the monsters don’t die and in fact get a happy ending! Humans kidnap a baby monster, the mom comes to make them pay and get her baby back, she does, leaving a city in ruins and the monsters to return to the sea happily ever after! My kind of flick.

Additional Links:

Satellite News Review

Brandon's Cult Movie's Review of Gorgo 

408 - Hercules Unchained

I’m so sleepy I can’t seem to keep awake. -Hercules

What half the movie is made up of.

Hercules Unchained was among the first handful of episodes I saw when the show was running middle-of-the-night in chunks as the Mystery Science Theater Hour on local TV. And, considering the first episode I saw was another Italian Hercules movie, Hercules Against the Moonmen, I was ecstatic. And while I don’t hold this episode as highly or as personally as that one, there’s a reason why, after rewatching it for the first time in a few years, I could recite it almost line-for-line: it’s hilarious.

There is a LOT of stuff in this movie.

What’s astounding is the cast and crew of MST make a great episode out of a movie they barely understand. Hercules Unchained is a sequel to a movie they hadn’t yet seen and mixes in the myths of Hercules, Ulysses, Oedipus, and more like they’re trying to build a Greek shared film universe by smashing already complicated stories together to make one giant jumble of Christmas lights on film. In fact, I’ve never fully understood the plot until this most recent viewing, and I’ve seen this episode a ton. Basically, Hercules is returning to his home town of Thebes from the events of the first movie with Ulysses and Iole, his wife. But, Thebes is in trouble, because Oedipus has stepped down and his sons Polynices and Eteocles, who are supposed to rule for a year each and then swap, are fighting, with the mad Eteocles declaring his rule unending and Polynices threatening to invade with an army from Argos to regain his rule. So, to spare his city bloodshed, Hercules agrees to go and talk some sense into Eteocles, taking Ulysses with him. But along the way, he drinks from a random spring that happens to be the Waters of Forgetfulness, and is taken to the island of the luscious temptress Omphale, who tells Herc that he’s her husband. Meanwhile, Ulysses is pretending to be a deaf mute, and needs to help Herc regain his memory so they can escape Omphale so they can get to Thebes so they can prevent a war between Oedipus’ sons. GOD! Next time people complain about Marvel movies getting complicated, show them this thing’s plot summary. What this mostly amounts to is Herc spends half the movie lazing about at Omphale’s, drinking and eating and making out with her, until he escapes and the movie ends with it throwing every actor and extra it has at one another until things are done.

Hercules receives exposition from Oedipus. This is a confounding movie.

The tangled-up-Christmas-lights metaphor works well for this movie, because while it’s confusing as hell, it’s also bright and shiny and a mess of fun. I adore these Italian sword-and-sandal flicks, and this movie has a big enough budget to make it a real spectacle. There are giant sets and gorgeous costumes in bright, bold Eastmancolor (courtesy of legendary director Mario Bava!), fights and myths for the kids, and hunks and babes for the grown-ups.  It’s rarely boring, (I don’t care what Servo says!) not very annoying, and just silly enough.

See? Budget and spectacle.

And man, does it give them a lot to work with. Greek myths? Check for mythical references Crow asking if Herc pulled a thorn out of the paw of a tiger he fights, and Servo corrects, “No, that was Androcles.” Lavish costumes and huge sets? Goofy jokes like Crow calling the assault towers of an enemy army, “Looks like they got the leftover parts from an airplane model.”  Muscular men and ravishing women? Upon seeing nymphs run giggling from Hercules, Servo calls it, “When Kennedies ruled Greece!” Then there’s inspired lines like Hercules tossing a goblet, to which Joel says, “Hey, in 2,000 years, that’ll be worth something!” And there’s the smarty-pants references like a Hercules asking Ulysses about a story, and Servo says, “Okay, let’s see, “Stately, plump, Buck Mulligan…’ Oh wait, that’s not the one you wanted.” The riffing is incredibly strong and funny, and comes frequently, but at a nice, relaxed pace. They’re at the top of their game here, and they are enjoying watching and riffing the hell out of this movie.

THRILL at the leisure activities of HERCULES!

And of course, expensive and colorful fantasy movies give the SOL crew an excuse to dress up and discuss the ancient Greeks, with Gypsy playing the lyre and Tom and Crow hedoninst-ing it up. Mike guest stars in a stuffed bodysuit as Steve Reeves. And, in a skit displaying Joel’s paternal relationship to the Bots, Crow and Tom try to pry out of him what happens when Herc and Omphale are making out and the screen fades to black. (as Paul Chaplin says in the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, “They know. They just want him to say it.”) It just speaks to the “let’s put on a show” attitude of MST, and it’s infectious fun. Sometimes I use similes to express what the feeling of watching an episode is, like “it’s like hanging out with some friends at a bad local theater play.” Here, it very much feels like what the show is: watching the movie with sarcastic friends. And it’s a blast.

And then Spock comes in and jams with them.

  

The biggest complaints I can think of are that the riffing isn’t all-time best and the movie could be just a bit dumber and annoying in the way of, say, Space Mutiny, to be an all time great. But those are naught but stray hairs atop Steve Reeves’ glorious gleaming chest. This wasn’t the first fantasy or sword-and-sandals/sorcery/something movie they did, but it was the first Italian-produced one, and it set a precedent. The movie is dumb fun, but the experiment is a classic and personal favorite for a reason.

Episode in a Riff:

This is like I, Claudius, only it’s not good at all. -Servo


Random Asides:

-I doubt showing these movies in order would have made much more sense. But the original Hercules wouldn’t end up on the show until season 5, after two other unrelated Hercules Italian flicks.

-I love the “Wash n’ Wax Day”, as a glimpse into daily life on the SOL.

-I also enjoyed Magic Voice ratting out Crow: “Crow’s hiding behind Cambot.”

-I was actually fooled into thinking Steve Reeves was the real thing.

-The Steve-o-meter is a great invention, albeit a real odd reference for a 90s show. It’s more for kids of the 60s-70s , such as Joel. I only knew who he was from Space Ghost: Coast to Coast and, of course, the classic Simpson’s line, “Behold! The Ultimate Pog!”

-The lighting and effects on this movie look so good due to director Mario Bava, of Black Sunday, Bay of Blood, and of course, Danger! Diabolik fame.

-The movie credits the original Greek orators and storytellers. Classy touch.

-This may have been maybe the second time for me to see this episode on DVD, as there are parts cut out from the MST Hour version, like the conclusion of the fight with Anteo.

-OF COURSE they have to sing “The Way to Eden” from Star Trek.

-I love the idea that the SOL is just stuffed with used sets from their skits, and various parts of the ship are just made up like ancient Greece, farms, swamps, dinosaur valleys, etc.

-Great Gypsy line: “I’m the Helenistic ideal!”

-What is Omphale’s island’s main export? Hot women dance theater? Tours of her Dead Lover garden?

-Even establishing and filler scenes in this movie have gorgeous women in short skirts!     

-Servo: “Say, who manufactures the waters of forgetfulness?”

Joel: “Oh it says here on the bottle: Mendoda Springs, makers of the Waters of Forgetfulness since… oh I forget… oh it’s on the tip of my tongue…when was it?”

-“This is the Green Bean and French Onion Casserole of Happiness: those who eat of it will find the joy only a hot dish can bring.”

-“Hobbes, get offa me!” –Joel, as Herc fights tigers. Thanks for the Calvin and Hobbes shout out, guys!

-Why these movies? Joel, Gypsy, and Crow think it has to do with everything from European reactions to postwar conservatism, Joseph Campbell’s hero of 1,000 faces, and more. Tom thinks its because an American distributor just got a sweet deal on them and they cranked ‘em out. Me? They’re fun, that’s why!

-I’m not calling him “Herakles”. Bite me. 

Additional Links:

Satellite News review

602 - Invaison U.S.A.

Are you for or against the universal draft?

The part of "Invasion" will be played by Stock Footage.

MST3K and the past go together like wine and cheese: erudite and savory wit along with  aged…cheesiness. I think people in the 50s were desperate for a return to normalcy, which is why you got so much all-American, family friendly stuff from that era, like the family bonding educational short A Date with Your Family. You also got red fever schlock like Invasion, U.S.A.  And boy, is MST3K ready for these, to skewer cartoonishly strict 50s values, and to mock the paranoid, and certainly long-past times, when we were worried about Russia.

Taking place at the height of the Cold War, Invasion follows a cadre of Americans like a drunken senator, a big Texan rancher, a TV reporter and a super hot woman who has a job I suppose, in a bar discussing the possibility of war being declared when, surprise, war were declared. We follow them as they watch “Him” aka The Reds launch surprise attack after surprise attack, A-bomb after A-bomb, unleashing their deadliest WWII stock footage on poor, unsuspecting America. As the cities fall and our nonspecific president can’t keep morale up, the message is driven home that the only way to fight an enemy government that ransacks private businesses to fuel war is to submit private business to fuel war. Alas, words fall on deaf ears as our main characters die in everything from floods after Hoover Dam is bombed, to New York becoming Nuked York, or are are shot resisting stereotyped Russian troops. Also, it was all a dream! Yes, a British hypnotist in the bar hypnotized them all as a warning of the dire consequences of their complacency. Ta da! 

What 45% of the movie is like: watching people watching people watching a war.

 

There are several things that can make for a great MST3K movie: goofy monsters, terrible acting, and so on. But one of the best factors is how dated a movie is. 80s and 70s are fine, but man, movies set in the 50s, when Ike was president, rock n' roll was dangerous, and beatniks were sprouting out, seem to bring out something special in the SOL crew. And in Invasion, U.S.A.’s case, the Cold War gives it even more material to riff on. From the paranoia of being invaded and nuked, to the chintzy production values using WWII stock footage to convey the war, to the like five guys in American army uniforms pretending to be Russians in disguise with thick accents, and of course the whole uber-patriotic, submit to the potential war-effort message that’s sledgehammered in, this thing is ridiculous even without the riffing.

And Lord, from frame one, are Mike and the Bots rarin’ to go on this baby. The joke-a-minute ratio is high, from silly jokes like “Ow, why does my back hurt?” from Crow upon seeing Lee Lawrie’s Atlas sculpture in NYC  to obscure refs like, when the movie shows stock footage and exploding miniatures, Mike says, “The Guns of Navarone versus Demonic Toys, and Dollman is there.”  But they get the most material out of the movie’s time, tone, and message. After the main characters have been unknowingly hypnotized, and they stare silently, Mike and the Bots give each of them new internal thoughts: “Castro’s an okay guy. Dalton Trumbo is a great screenwriter. Roy Cohn is our greatest obstacle.” Oh, and the stock footage gets plenty of incredulous roasting too. “At least anyone who lived through the Blitz can appreciate its been immortalized as filler for this movie,” Mike says. And then, as news reporters list cities that have been attacked, he adds, “All public and parochial schools…” like its snow closings!

Tonight on KWAR: 7pm: War (rerun)

  

What also helps is the short shown before the movie. A Date with Your Family is the kind of pro-nuclear family, super-conservative 50s ethics enforcing short that, a few decades removed, feels like a parody of itself. But it certainly sets the tone for the whole episode with the similar Eisenhower era movie that follows. In fact, it’s kind of a detriment, as the short, with its forced messages of conformity and politeness, is far funnier than the movie. But I mean, how could it not be? It has actual lines like, “Pleasant, unemotional conversation helps digestion”. They can have real fun with these shorts, but this one has to be an all time great. When “Father” is talking at dinner, Crow says, “I’m moving to Fire Island, dear.” When the “Daughter” is talking, Servo says, “Dad, I’m dating a negro.” And, as the narrator says, “The family sits down to dinner,” Mike adds in, “Their stomachs knotted like fists!” Nearly every line is hilarious, and it’s the highlight of the episode. Shorts like this have been parodied to death since the 50s became retro sometime in the 70s, but there’s something special about MST’s approach of actually watching the things and either leaning hard into them or subverting them, and doing it with just a hint of the superiority that comes from mocking these kinds of things, without being deluged with smug condescension that would poison the experience.

Pictured: Unbelievable Tension.

 

The host segments shine, too, for the most part. There’s a kind-of clunker where Mike and the Bots offer life-affirming advice to a talking A Bomb, but the others are great. Following the short, Mike and the Bots sit down to a cartoonishly pleasant dinner, talking about their experiences of the day in the most banal and nondescript way: “Recently I was taken by a particular article of literature, the author used sentences and paragraphs to express his point of view,” Mike says. And then there’s the beginning, where Mike tries to make his own robot, and it goes far differently, and more hilariously, than you’d expect. This episode was also near the beginning of Mike’s first full season captaining the SOL, and they have fun in the host segments differentiating him from Joel. 

Pleasant, polite, totally-not-chatoic times on the SOL.

 

So even though the short is the star, the movie itself is still pretty good, and the episode itself is a joy. It’s not an all time classic, but if you haven’t seen it, it’s very much worth checking out. 

Episode in a Riff

I hate it when wars are re-run- Mike

Random Asides:

-Thank God the Cold War is over and we don’t have to worry about nuclear war or any kind of shennaigans from the Russians anymore!

-Crow:“Mike, what have we learned?

Mike: “Well, I think, er…”

Crow: “You can’t. Build. Robots. Say it.”

Tom: “Say it!”

Mike: “I can’t build robots.”

Crow: “Good. Now, say it a million times!”

-Dr. Forrester’s self worth and self delusion in a nutshell: “Fact: in addition to my huge greatness, I’m quite a guy. Everybody likes me!”

-The Robot Mom that Crow immediately latches onto is pretty weird. Crow's screech when Mike near shim as he feeds is hilarious.

-The short does have some solid advice: let Mom eat first (I’m Texan, damnit)  and don’t make rude remarks about other peoples’ standards of living.

-That said, it can’t seem to even comprehend the idea of a brother and sister hating each other, chalking up any potential arguments to being about friends! Haha.

-I love how, after they ditch any preamble of manners, Mike and the Bots just pig out on their food. Especially Crow, who rears back and slams into his plate!

-Crow makes the joke, upon seeing the Washington Lawn, “It’s a long par five leading to the nation’s capitol.” He makes that joke later in MST3K: The Movie.

-“Hey porcupine, wanna watch me make Crow look like an idiot?”

“No, but if you’re going to anyway…”

-The scene where the characters try to book a flight is an interesting and weird insight into how airports used to work.

-According to MST3KInfo.com, The A-Bomb in the third host segment is played by writer Mike Dodge, in his only appearance on the show. I feel bad for not liking it more.

-“Say Mike, did we just do something horribly wrong?”

“Haha, yeah, I think so!”

-I like this exchange from the letter: “Not missing much on earth.” Crow: “Good!” I love the idea of them just hanging out on the SOL; and the drawing from the fan is really nice addition to that.

-The bonus documentary Zugsmith Confidential is one of the best supplementary features Shout! Has put on an MST3K disc. Turns out Albert Zugsmith, the producer of this movie, went on to not only produce movies from other episodes like Girl’s Town, he also produced The Incredible Shrinking Man and A Touch of Evil!

Additional Links:
Satellite News review