C'mon, girl!
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| "One day, all the Timmys in all the wells will look up and shout, 'Save us!' and I'll whisper, "No.'" |
MST3K
and Lassie. What happens when two titans of entertainment meet? I’ll be honest,
I never cared for Lassie. “Lassie’s king!” I hear you say, quoting an obscure Space
Ghost: Coast to Coast episode. But it’s true. Maybe it’s how corny they
were, or my childhood aversion to live action entertainment that didn’t
involved giant monsters or aliens, but it just never held any appeal to me. But
Joel and the Bots riffing on a Lassie movie? Yeah, I’m down for that. The
question is, how into it are they? Let’s just say that anytime a main character
doesn’t speak and gives them the opportunity to, hilarity ensues.
Lassie,
the male dog playing a female dog, here plays Shep, Shep’s owner Jonathon is a
professional ol’ timey prospector searching for gold who strikes it rich.
However, his partner dies, leaving a widow and young son Tommy. Jonathon leaves
Shep with Tommy as a Christmas gift to cheer him up, and makes a new partner in
Taylor. However, Taylor starts getting the Gold Fever, as vaccination wasn’t
readily available for it back then, and begins acting a little suspicious
around Jonathon and Tommy. Luckily, Shep is there to keep Taylor in line. But,
what about when the colossal collie isn’t around?
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| There's a captivating 20 minute segment halfway in when Lassie acts as a mediator in the whole gold rush plot. |
The
movie is harmless corny 50s family entertainment, not as well made as Disney
movies of the time but far from the worst treacly tripe the 80s and 90s could
produce. Its earnest, a little silly, tame for a movie set in the Old West,
family friendly, and stars a dog. Yeah, it’s a good fit for the Satellite of
Love, but not a great one. You get goofy jokes like when the narrator asks, “What
lies in the heart of dog?” in the beginning, to which Crow answers, “Heartworms!”
You’ve got dark digs at the material, like when Tommy cries and asks why his
dad had to die, Joel suggests, “You m ust have done something wrong, Tommy.”
And of course there’s obscure references like a shot of Jonathon’s cabin in the
woods and Tom saying, “I was born in the house my father built.” Add in weird
characters like old evangelist Pilot Pete and you’ve got a lot for the show to
work with.
But
the thing they have the most fun with is that the main character is a big name
like Lassie, and one who doesn’t speak, either. They turn her into a hard
drinker, when a barkeep asks if she wants anything, Lassie barks, and Joel
adds, “Jim Beam, rocks!” And when she sees Jonathon pushed to his death, Crow
wonders, “How am I gonna explain this in just barks?” Unfortunately, most of
the jokes are them wondering as Lassie if anyone has any snuasages. which isn’t
the greatest running joke they’ve ever done.
No,
this is an episode where the short steals the whole episode. Body Care and
Grooming is another example of educational shorts about white people being
taught how to be even whiter in the 50s, this time through good grooming
habits. And they feed on it like jackals on a zebra carcass. “Ah, Spring...”
pines the narrator; Crow responds, “Filthy, shameful Spring.” When talk turns
to wearing occasion appropriate clothes, and the Narrator says, “Wearing
inappropriate clothes, like these shoes...” Tom butts in, “Is immoral.” And
when he says, “But good grooming is more than clothes deep,” Joel says, “It’s
being snowy white.” There’s a reason shorts like this were put together into
compilations in the Rhino era: they’re snappy and hilarious.
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| See? Cleaning for random people's education can be fun! |
Unfortunately,
most of the jokes in the episode are
kind of like the movie: harmless but fun and goofy. They make okay use
of the material, but from the jokes to the host segments, by and largs it’s
just okay. It’s a fine episode for long time fans to see, but not one they’ll
be revisiting over and over. Then again,
like I say, a mediocre episode of MST is better than most anything else, so I’m
not complaining about spending time watching it.
Episode
in a Riff:
For
the short:
Grooming
is between you and the Lord God. -Crow
For
the movie:
It’s
a deadly game of cat and mouse, only with a dog and a guy...-Joel
Random
Asides:
-I
haven’t seen a Joel episode in a while. Man, I miss them.
-This
was from Joel’s last run of episodes on the show, and it doesn’t feel at all
like he’s ready to leave. He’s as fun as ever, but it’s too bad some of the
last movies featuring him weren’t a better fit for the show or funnier.
-The
short is an educational film about the importance of grooming, which you’d
think would be primarily aimed at young kids, but stars a bunch of college aged
people, whom I’m pretty sure are familiar with the concept of bathing. Oh well,
whatever, they can show to young people in the 50s to keep them off soda and
rock and roll, right?
-The
host segment skits are just okay, but there are some standout moments,
primarily when Dr. F shows his invention exchange that turns Frank’s heart into
a generator, and when it slows, he yells, “FRANK, EAT!”
-Oh,
and when Tom and Crow discuss which version of the girl from the short is
better, the sloppy or clean one, Joel acts as judge and offers this even handed
judgment: “Both of these issues are complex, and there’s no easy answers, but
Crow’s right.” Crow cheers wildly.
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