Come in, Batwoman...
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| She fights crime, just not well. |
In
the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, Trace Beaulieu says of The Wild, Wild
World of Batwoman, “We take no small amount of pride, however, in the fact
that the movies that hurt us the most are inevitably the ones that our dear,
sweet, loyal fans get the most satisfaction from. I hope this one is as
enjoyable to watch as it was painful to riff on.” I’m not sure I can introduce
this episode any better: pure hilarity and pure pain.
What roughly 30% of the movie is like.
Batwoman
is wild only in the sense of incomprehensibility. There’s sort-of a story, but
parsing what it is in-between the pitiful audio recording, the poorly directed
scenes, and the shots of random women dancing took repeated viewings, including
this most recent one. There’s a woman named Batwoman, who has a bevy of girls
in her employ used to fight crime. “Angels, you’re going undercover with Adam
West,” Mike says to that. There’s a scientist who needs his atomic hearing aid,
yes, atomic hearing aid, protected before it falls into the wrong hands.
There’s an evil villain and his henchmen, including a mad scientist, out to get
it. Servo booms, “To destroy Miracle Ear and rule the world!” There’s a lot of
padding with women dancing. There are scenes lifted from other films, including
El Santo movies. “It’s like they put a bunch of movies in a blender and pressed
the mix button!” Crow says. I get the feeling the main reason for this movie
was to fool people into paying to see it. It’s like an imitation of a parody rather
than actually being one.
Pictured: hijinks. Not pictures: joy.
If
you can’t tell, Mike and the Bots have a field day with this one. The movie is
bad, no question, but a lot happens, little of it plot, which keeps giving them
things to riff on. The evil scientist invents a happy pill that makes people
go-go dance, leading to a restaurant full of people being drugged into shaking
it. “Have you lost your mind?” one characters asks a drugged on, who responds,
“No!” and Servo adds, “Just my self-respect!” Then there’s the
unbelievable seance scene, where Batwoman attempts to locate the stolen hearing
aid, and conjures up someone speaking in very racist gibberish “Chinese”. “To
every Asian, and every human being, we apologize for that scene,” Mike says. Eventually,
when a henchman warns about Batwoman approaching and they need to initiate
“Plan X-12” or something, Crow just says, “Oh, stop pretending there’s a plot.
Don’t cheapen yourself further.” Yet, despite how bad the movie is, the crew’s
riffing, even as the movie starts to get to them, stays strong. This is one of those experiments
that just punishes the SOL crew, and a lot of humor comes from that, like the
bots pleading for the merciful release of death the longer it goes on.
Carnival of Cheating Souls
And
while the riffing of the movie is good, what makes this episode truly a classic
is the fantastic short it starts with. Cheating is one of the all-time
greats, a warning for elementary and middle-school children about the dangers
of cheating done in the style and horror of a German Expressionist film. Johnny
uses his friend Mary to get help cheating on a test, and is haunted and
punished for it. His teacher’s head floats in the darkness above him as he
tries to sleep, prompting screaming from Tom Servo. When his cheating is
exposed and his place on student council threatened during a special meeting one
of his council members tells is about him, Mike says, “They’re hanging you in
effigy.” And as Johnny stalks the dark, parents-less corridors of his home,
Crow opines, “Jeez, this kid could freak out Jame Gumb.” The SOL crew have a
habit of going dark on the shorts, and when the short goes dark with them, its
like peanut butter and chocolate. The joy for the short spreads to all the host
segments, following Mike as he leads the bots in a discussion on cheating and
then Crow’s trial after he plagiarizes Gypsy’s essay. It leads through the
entire series of host segments and caps off with a great punch line. But it
says something about their interests that they focus on the short over the
movie.
Tom, going full witch trial on Crow.
An
all-time bad movie with hilarious riffing plus an all-time great short make for
an all-time great episode. Even though Cheating does outshine the movie, the
constant stream of solid riffing and incomprehensible flick make this one a
classic.
Short
In a Riff
“Now
was this Ingmar Bergman’s first American film?” -Crow
Movie
In a Riff
Crow:
“Mike, I demand that you kill me.”
Servo:
“Me too.”
Mike.
“No, no, no, can’t have much to go… Would you kill me?”
Random
Asides
-Holy shit, the It’s Just a Show podcast was telling the truth, and IMDB.com confirmed it: Cheating was directed by Herk Harvey, director of Carnival of Souls. Explains a LOT. However I disagree with their assessment that this is a mixed-bag episode, however.
- God knows what kind of skits they could’ve done based on it, though. Nonsensical dance parties, maybe?
-I love the crappy six year old’s painting of a bat above Batwoman’s fireplace.
-This is only Mike’s third episode, and he’s still doing Joel kinda stuff like playing cards with the bots and leading them in a discussion on cheating. But his riffing needs no work: it’s quick-witted and well delivered.
-It’s Just a Show also goes a good deal in depth into director Jerry Warren. To sum up his directorial ambitions, I’ll just quote Attack of the the Eye Creatures: “They just didn’t care.”
-Frank’s atomic hair dryer is a fun invention, especially how Dr. F’s hair turns out and Frank’s reaction to it.
-Mike is still doing inventions, and the Razorback is an… okay one. It’s just a big shaver for your back. The Bots’ body hair shaming is fun, though.
-Servo’s screaming “STONE HIM!” at Crow’s cheating has stuck with me for years.
-I like the look on Mike’s face as he realizes he’s stuck babysitting lunatics.
-Remember: cheating is bad. Richard Basehart is good.
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