1102 - Cry Wilderness

Your father is in great danger, Paul! – Bigfoot

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What do you get when you mix a coming of age story, Bigfoot, nature documentary stock footage, and insane fits of laughter? You get Cry Wilderness, as damn near perfect a movie for MST3K as you can find. But, what happens when you throw in an SOL crew still finding their footing as pro movie riffers? Ah, there’s the rub for this one.

Cry Wilderness is the touching tale of a boy named Paul and his best friend, Bigfoot. You see, Paul met Bigfoot one summer and befriended him, introducing him to the wonders of Coca-Cola and Rock and Roll music. But one night at his boarding school, Paul sees a vision of Bigfoot warning him that Paul’s father, Will, a game warden, is in great danger. So, Paul ditches his unbelieving teacher and classmates and hitchhikes all the way up to the California wilderness to be with his father. But they’re not alone. Will and his partner Jim are tracking a dangerous wild animal causing havoc in the forest. Even more dangerous is big game hunter Morgan, hired by the sheriff to help catch or kill the animal, and who takes a keen interest in Paul’s stories of Bigfoot. Can Paul, Bigfoot, animal stock footage, beautiful mountain vistas, and the power of laughter save Paul’s father? And can Paul, his father, animal nurse Helen, and a maybe dead/maybe alive Native American save Bigfoot from Morgan? And can Paul’s Father, Jim, Helen, and an untold amount of warnings keep Paul from constantly, stupidly, running into danger in near mountain lions and in front of loaded guns? And can anyone go five minutes without breaking into a fit of hysterical laughter like the Joker is a PA on the set?

Pictured: a manic moment in the woods.

  

Better yet, is there a movie more batshit crazy, more perfectly suited, to MST3K? When the season first premiered, comparisons were made to Pod People, which is apt, though even this is more bonkers than that. I want to know which staff member found this movie and how. The Incredibly Strange Creatures and Russo-Finnish fantasy films may be the few that top this in pure weirdness. But this movie just feels…off. The basic set up, the fact that Paul’s friendship with Bigfoot is something that happens offscreen before the movie begins, making it seem like a sequel to a nonexistent movie. Then there’s the random use of animal stock footage, half the adults are dubbed for some reason, and even the editing and transitions from scene to scene all combine to make this feel like a kid’s fever dream. Add in a precociously annoying kid character, a mediocre monster costume, lots of padding, awkward line delivery, unnecessary dubbing, stock footage, make this one of those movies that seems to have fallen through the cracks of cinema and landed on the MST3K desk by divine providence. It’s bad, but not painful, and it’s actually kind of fascinating in the way a nonsensical dream is. 

The movie is as beautiful as it is nonsensical.

But it’s also the second episode of a show that’s just been revived with a new cast and crew at the helm. So, Jonah and the new Bots don’t quite have the riffing skills needed to master it. Some of the delivery is too fast and too forced, on its way to being confident and casual as in Beastof Hollow Mountain, but smoother than in Reptilicus. They still feel too much like they’re reciting lines at a movie rather than actively watching and joking on it, at least until the last ¼th. There, they get fed up with Paul’s running into danger BS, how odd and awkward the movie is, and start taking it out on the film. If the rest of the episode had the exhaustion and annoyance they show there, combined with better riffing skills, this one would be a classic. Not saying it’s not funny, it definitely is, but it still needs some work.

 

The host segments also show the cast and crew honing their skills. The second one, as Crow and Tom play scampering and destructive raccoons, is the show at it’s weird and, dare I use the word, zany best. The others, however, are just fine. And while it’s nice to see Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy make a cameo, the joke of them not meaning to run into Kinga and Max isn’t great and it’s not as hilarious or heartwarming as it should be. Still, it’s nice seeing them again. Though I gotta agree that Kevin Murphy’s ape mask hasn’t aged well. Still, great seeing the Castle Forrester gang again. 

Not that the Bots need an excuse to dress up and smash stuff, but it's always welcome.

Pearl. Bobo, and Brain Guy making the face when you see someone you know, but don't want to talk to them.

This movie is a classic for the show, but unfortunately I don’t think the episode itself is. Jonah and the new Bots still have some growing to do before they’re fully in charge of their riffing skills. That said, the movie itself and the on average pretty good riffing make this one a must see, just not a classic.

Episode in a Riff: Tie

“This movie is like if Bob Ross painted an action scene.” –Servo

and

“This movie’s about Bigfoot the way Waiting for Guffman is about Guffman…or Godot.” -Jonah

Random Asides:

-“Your experiment today takes the majesty of the natural world and…just kinda jumps on it.” Appropriate description, Kinga. 

-Dropping things on the Bots. Never not funny

-I have NO IDEA what these Carvel Ice Cream Cake things are. At first I thought they were a regional thing outside of Texas, but turns out they're based in Stephenville! Either way, the 10 and 11 O’clock ones, the Post-Apocalyptic Raider with Mohawk and the Dinosaur.

-WTF is on Paul’s necklace? “It’s beautiful Paul!” Um, is it? It looks like a bad kids art project.

-WhyTF is his teacher entertaining the notion of Bigfoot, then disbelieving it, and in general acting like a creepo?

-WTF is the real guy in the Bigfoot costume doing on the podium in the museum instead of just putting the costume on a rack?

-WTF does a history museum have even a podium about Bigfoot?

-WTF doesn’t the movie begin with Paul meeting Bigfoot and befriending him, instead of having it happen offscreen before the movie even begins?

-Kid acting! Yay.

-I referred to Paul’s teacher as “Diet Michael Lerner”.

-The animal stock footage is from wildly different sources. Old film stock, TV recordings, and more.

-10 minute point, as Paul’s teacher sits alone in library: Tom: “The last Border’s Books customer.” Considering I’m a member of a writers group that first met at a local Borders, that hits damn close to home.

-The laughing skit is just great! I love Jonah’s suddenly angry scream of,  “Paul get in here!”

-Writer Phillip Yordan won an Oscar for Detective Story and, along with this movie’s director, Jay Schlossberg-Cohen, made the even more incomprehensible Night Train to Terror. That’s a weird menagerie of goddamn bonkers movies.

I like max’s reaction at the 53 minute break. “So the movie’s been lying to us for what, 45 minutes? Great!”

-What is the point at all of the angry mayor’s car garage scene? To show a woman in a bikini and a weird car museum?

-At 49 minutes, the, “He’s a Louis CK/Chris Elliot mash up” is an example of a joke that could be done better. 

-Ah, the classic Forrester method of parenting: cruelty and abandonment!

-Why does idiot hunter Morgan want to kill Bigfoot if he also captures stuff alive? Also he has no proof Bigfoot is real besides easily faked tracks and the word of Paul. And why is he explaining his plan to Paul’s father? What a moron.

-Crow’s breakdown near the end is good stuff. Love the “robot hyperventilating into a bag” gag.

-Yes! Another country ballad about Bigfoot. Max’s lyrics are great. “Get a bowl haircut and swallow your pirde at private school! Cower under the covers…”