So,
how do you review an episode of MST3K?
How do you review people reviewing a movie? I’ve done a few movie reviews, but
critiquing critiques along with a movie is an entirely different beast. I could
go with a bullet points list like on MST3KInfo.com, or summarize the movie and
say how funny the quips are, but there’s more to an episode of MST than that.
It’s how Joel, Mike, Tom and Crow react to it, the atmosphere and tone they
bring, a kind of mix of art, wit, comradery, and irreverence. It’s an art that,
like most comedy, is pretty subjective. That makes it a challenge, but also a
blast! Because saying that a movie’s directing or acting is good or bad is relatively
easy. Even saying what all those pieces mean when taken as a whole is something
critics do all the time. But reviewing MST3K
is like reviewing a conversation you have with friends about nostalgia, comedy and
media while eating at a restaurant that is supposed to serve bad food you joke
about while still eating it. So, all that in mind, what do I have to say about
the episode Attack of the The Eye
Creatures?
They
just didn’t care.
And
only MST3K could put so much care
into showing why people who made a movie don’t care. I’m reviewing art that
reviews other art using comedy. I think I picked an appropriate episode to
start this blog with.
Let’s
start with the restaurant itself, the movie. It’s…. it’s called “Attack of the
The Eye Creatures”. And if you think that a movie just being called “Attack of
the Eye Creatures” would be indicative of how bad it’d be, man, you only THINK
you’ve seen bad movies. You may have seen some schlock, some incompetence, a Transformers 2 here and Batman and Robin there. But if The Phantom Menace is the epitome of bad
movies for you, if you scoffed at Snakes
on a Plane…. Please. This movie can’t even spell itself correctly! And yeah,
the double “the” in the title ain’t a typo. The movie, originally a made for TV
remake of Invasion of the Saucer Men,
was just called “The Eye Creatures”, until some genius put “Attack of the” in
the title as well. It’s almost like the movie is warning potential viewers to
stay away. Too bad a certain guy stuck in space and his robot pals have no
choice.
Five
minutes in, Crow says, “At this point, I’m rooting for the Eye Creatures.” I’m
with ya, buddy. This movie is repulsive, stupid and boring. After following skeevy-ass
government agents who use their UFO searching technology to spy on teenagers
making out in cars (one of whom mugs so annoyingly that Servo says “the most
immediately disgusting character in film”) and then scummy, oily drifters , we
finally get to our main characters, typical B-movie teens. The movie becomes
less repulsive as it switches to the semi-wholesome teens, but it also starts
dragging. However, it remains fun to hate, and thus Joel’s and the bots’ riffing
becomes stronger and faster. The first part of the movie, up to the first host
segment, is by far the strongest, with the introduction of the many, many
unlikeable characters and the more relatable evil eye creatures. Once it
settles onto the main characters, it becomes a tedious suspense story.
Still,
the multiple plot elements and loathsome characters, from the government cover-up
stuff to the loathsome UFO spotters to the oily, oily drifters to the dense
teens, to half the movie being a poor day-for -ight shot, along with the cheap,
rubbery alien costume, and best of all the overall lack of effort provide
plenty of riffing material. And while the riffing is decent but not great, a
laconic atmosphere of dislike and disbelief to outright hate and loathing (them
yelling at the mugging air force guys to shut up and moral disgust at them are
great) keep the episode light, fast moving and fun. MST3K is at its best, to me, when Joel or Mike and the bots are
just utterly, utterly loathing and hating a movie or in searing pain from it. The
top secret stuff provides great gags like “Please excuse Johnny from gym class,
he’s a top secret agent”, the police captain, DA dad and morgue guy give us the
great “the secret language of bald men”, the lame rubber monster suits, with
their visible sleeves and zippers and, near the end, LACK OF COMPLETE SUITS,
give us the classic line, "They just didn't care.” The host segments, like the episode, are good, not great, but have very good
moments, namely the Rip Taylor segment and the great “They Just Didn’t Care” ending
segment. Movie quality is about a 2 out of 5 (believe me, there are worse; I
was watching clips of The Creeping Terror
before I wrote this, and…man) and the
episode quality is a solid 3 out of 5. Not a gem I’ve been missing, but man, am
I glad to have seen it, and can’t wait to see what more MST3Kness I’ve missed!
Random
Asides
-The
Amazing Colossal Episode Guide makes a point of how oily they are, and damn if
they didn’t undersell just how thick and mucu-sy the people in this movie look
-World's first Rick Roll?
-Some
B-movie makers don’t get the respect they deserve. Herschell Gordon Lewis,
Samuel Z. Arkoff, Bert I. Gordon, Roger Corman, etc. Larry Buchanan is, and I'm being charitable here, not one of them.
Episode
in a Riff:
Joel: "They
just didn’t care."
My 6 Favorite Riffs
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