Oh my God, he can talk!
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| The greatest act next to close-up magic. |
HURRY, HURRY, HURRY! Come to Stoney Martin’s Carnival! THRILL at Markov the Magnificent and his talking chimp, Alexander the Great! SHRIEK in despair at Kirk, the tiger trainer, jealous of Markov and Alex’s success! GASP in terror at the nefarious scientist out to capture Alex! SWOON with Stoney’s tomboy daughter Bud as she falls for publicist David! DELIGHT at Bud’s struggle to get Stoney to see her as anything but his little girl! WONDER why a talking chimp says little of anything interesting! QUESTION why a kid’s movie has so many melodramatic subplots! And most of all, LAUGH as Jonah and the bots have a field day with it all!
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| Come for the fun, stay for the soul-sucking evil. |
Rarely does a movie provide as much for the MST3K treatment as Carnival Magic. Aside from being a low-budget family-friendly movie about a talking chimp (or at least about a magician with a talking chimp), it does and doesn’t follow through on that premise. Alex barely says anything beyond grunts and people’s names. “Oh my God, he can talk!” Bud says when she first hears Alex speak. “Well, kinda,” Crow counters. Now, there is a story, but mostly it’s just things happening, with plenty of padding throughout. During a moment when Stoney and David strut around the carnival gloating in their success, Crow asks, “Really fun seeing you meander all through the carnival, very neighborly… What does this have to do with anything?” To which Tom follows up with, “I know! Even Alejandro Iñárritu would have called cut by now! Bah!” Then there are the tonal inconsistencies, as the movie switches between scenes like Markov’s chimp-and-magic act, and Markov and Stoney having a heart to heart about Bud becoming a woman, a very heartfelt scene, during which Tom wonders, “Hey, wasn’t there a talking chimp in this movie?” And did I mention other aspects such as the bizarre soundtrack choices? The moment where Bud first meets Alex the talking chimp is scored with this surprisingly dour piano music, prompting Jonah to ask, “Is it just me, or is this scene supposed to feel like a hopeful autopsy?” Then there’s the setting: a low-rent carnival. As the movie shows footage from atop the Ferris wheel, Jonah barks, “Ride the great sky wheel, where you’ll have a god’s-eye view of everything from the burnt-out JC Penny’s, to Derrick’s mom’s above ground pool!" Oh, and while this thing was filmed in 1980, it still just reeks of the ‘70s, MST’s favorite decade to riff on (see: Avalance, The Incredible Melting Man). This movie is so ‘70s it leaves an aftertaste, like the smell of your grandma’s cigarettes mixed with cheap, stale beer, and the taste of those orange foamy circus peanut candies mingled with the reek of dirty hay and caged animal musk. At the end of one of Markov’s magic acts, Crow says, “Thank you, you trashy ‘70s people.”
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| My favorite things: chimps and '70s' fashions. |
I legitimately find this movie fascinating. Like Zardoz, I half-love it for what it’s intended to be, and am half-incredulously fascinated by how wrong it goes. I like the performances of the cast, and some of the more melodramatic scenes can be downright heartfelt. But, they’re sandwiched between broad talking chimp antics. It is right up there with Cry Wilderness, Santa Claus, and the other weirdest, most batshit movies MST3K has covered. Part of that is due to its director, Al Adamson, a man known for his drive-in films like Blood of Ghastly Horror and The Naughty Stewardesses, here doing his only work as a director-for-hire. With its mixed-up childish and melodramatic tones, strange soundtrack choices, low-rent, carny filled cast, and yellow-and-brown 70s grime, the only person I can see this movie being intended for is a prepubescent Tom Waits.
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| He can drive, perform magic, and run over old ladies. |
A good movie, it is not. But, it is a perfect movie for MST3K, because one thing you cannot say about Carnival Magic is that it’s boring. Tonally inconsistent? Completely. Absurd? Absolutely. But boring? Oh, far from it! Something new and weird happens every 15 minutes, from magic tricks, to grimy carnies grifting, to a talking monkey stealing a car with a woman asleep in the backseat and leading the cops in a high speed chase. Does that lead to a new plot development? No! Does it fill time until another barely related, uncomprehendingly placed scene begins? Yes! And holy cow, does that make this movie perfect riffing fodder. And not only that, but the Jonah era may be the perfect iteration to handle it. There’s some of the silliness of the Joel times without letting the movie run roughshod over them, and enough of the Mike seasons’ sarcasm without it becoming a bitter hatefest. There’s appreciation for off-kilter entertainment from Jonah without forgiving the movie it’s faults. This movie is bad, and they do not let it get the best of them, nor let opportunities for great quips pass by. One the one hand, this means the movie fails to torment them, which can be fun, as in episodes like Hobgoblins. On the other, better side, this means the jokes are strong and frequent. These aren’t just “this is dumb” jokes; these are in-depth riffs that get into the fabric of the movie and unravel it, while also pulling at the sincere, incomprehensible artistry that went into weaving it together.
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| Watch as he destroys your sense of self-worth! |
And the riffing enthusiasm they have spreads to the host segment skis. They’re not all time greats, mind you, but Servo’s carnival is a treat, as he paints Crow’s version of Alex the talking chimp as a marvelous let down, and describes Jonah’s Markov as a supremely condescending magician. We also get guest star Mark Hamill as P.T. Mindslap, ringleader of the Great Space Circus, who sings a song about all the things that go on at his circus, which may not even be happening and it’s just a ruse. It won’t join the all-time great MST hits, but Hamill is always a treat (and was one of the backers for the show’s return!) Meanwhile, Kinga is forcing a marriage proposal onto Jonah in a bid for ratings: “Jonah, I’m just a megalomaniacal girl standing in front of a kidnapped boy, asking him to love her, or she will shut off his oxygen.” It’s interesting seeing the show dabble in longer plotlines after the Sci-Fi era forced it on the show back in the late 90s, but here it’s far less intrusive and mainly serves to give Felicia Day some good moments. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the Mads’ invention: a sports drink that flavors your sweat! Mm-hm, pumpkin pie!
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| Applause! |
I feel ashamed it took me so long to see, let alone review, an episode as good as this. Carnival Magic is an all-time great experiment, with a truly, interestingly bad movie that provides plenty of joke fodder, and an SoL crew at the top of their game. Any fan, serious or casual, owes it to themselves to check this one out again and again.
Episode in a riff:
My hat’s off to the filmmaker. He’s created an incredible simulation of being at a really crummy carnival. -Crow
Random Asides:
-The history behind this movie, how it was seemingly lost for almost 30 years, is a fascinating read. Check it out here.
-I’m gonna be blunt: I don’t find chimps amusing. I think they’re a terrifying evolutionary mirror to some of our worst traits. I don’t think they’re cute, nor entertaining. Interesting and intelligent? Yes. Cute? Nope! Smaller monkeys and the peaceful gorillas are where it’s at.
-I had to limit myself to one Tom Waits reference for this review. It was hard.
-I also love Kinga’s other explanation of her forced engagement to Jonah, “... to set a million fan-fic shippers typing”
-The looks on Kinga and Max’s faces as they drink their flavor sweat slays me.
-Boy, imagine the Tiger King jokes they’d have given Kirk the tiger trainer if this was a few years later
-Man, some of the people in this movie are acting their hearts out, especially Jennifer Houlton as Ellen/Bud.
-Why does nobody question why girl is asleep in back of an unlocked car? Does it just seem natural for a carnival in the ‘70s?
-Was there a thing in the ‘70s about not buttoning your goddamn shirt?
-The guy in purple seen in video behind Kinga and Max at the end is the show’s art director Matt Mcginnis
-I like PT Mindslap describing his show as “Neil Gaiman-esaue”
-Of the few bits of Jonah and the bots’ silhouettes interacting with the movie, my favorite is about 69 minutes in when, as the music sounds like the tunes of an ice cream truck, Crow and Servo run off screen to get imaginary ice cream.
-Grunkle Stan’s grifter carnival in Gravity Falls was more polished than this.
-”We’ve seen so many troubling things today, Kinga.” Very true, Max.
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